I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality - Here's What They Had To Say
PsychologySex

I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality – Here’s What They Had To Say

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

INFPs And Sexual Orientation

Of the 225 participants sampled:

68% identified as heterosexual
24% identified as bisexual or pansexual
5% identified as homosexual
1% identified as asexual
2% identified as ‘other

INFPs And Sex Drive

When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.16.

INFPs And Hookup Culture

When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”

56% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
42% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”

INFP Commentary


1. “I believe my depth of feeling as an INFP has led to my demisexuality. I crave a deep connection with someone before I am sexually attracted to them. I also, think as an intuitive I greatly enjoy trying new things in he’d for the novelty of the situation.”


2. “I suppose it makes me feel the emotional/sensual side of sex very deeply and I can almost get off on thoughts alone. Due to a thirst for new adventures I also experience trouble feeling truly satisfied and happy in my long-term relationship with my partner – I’d totally love to go for an open relationship and mixing things up with different partners (though I absolutely need an emotional connection, it’s not all about a hot body :p).”


3. “I’m a bit of a prude to be honest. I had a homosexual experience at university with a girl I absolutely fell in love with but was too introverted to express it properly also thought it was very cliche. I’ve been in heterosexual relationships since but am starting to think maybe I am bisexual. Having an Fi function I think makes it hard to outwardly express myself even though I fantasize a lot and would be probably be up for anything if my partner instigated it.”


4. “I am very shy on the surface layers, and it feels like a new partner has to climb Mount Everest to get me to open up sexually, but once I cross that huge challenge of being comfortable being intimate and knowing I will be accepted and loved under all circumstances – then the freak in the sheets can come out to play!”


5. “I think that it has a huge influence on how I experience sexuality. As an INFP I think that sexuality and intimacy and love are inextricably tied.”


6. “I like the idea of trying new things, but I rarely initiate anything different. I’m usually game if my partner initiates though. I worry that there could be awkwardness or conflict if I suggest something, even though I’ve never had an experience that reinforces that fear.”


7. “My personality type influences my sexual experience because as a deep feeler and loving type, sex becomes a highly intimate experience for me. As someone who identifies as asexual, I don’t really need sex. Though I can feel good physically from the experience, I am more focused on the emotional connection it creates for me and my partner. What I love most about it is connecting to him and being able to show him how much I love him! (this is also due to the fact that physical touch is my love language!)”


8. “As an INFP I idealize relationships. I think the idea of open marriages and relationships seems intriguing in theory but wouldn’t do it in practice if it would cause conflict with my partner or the other person. I always felt like I could love a man, a woman or even someone who was transgendered.”


9. “Ne makes me very curious and open to trying lots of different things. I have thought about engaging in a homosexual encounter before, but I just don’t think I’d ultimately have the guts to go through with it. There’s enough that I can try doing with men that I don’t feel like I’m missing out by never having a sexual experience with a woman.”


10. “I’m passionate as hell. Being an INFP, even if I’m sleeping with someone I don’t even know super well yet, my head is just as into it as my body is. I like the direct pleasure as well as all the subtleties (the way he watches me undress, changes in breath tempo, watching a drop of sweat roll down his bicep). I also like dirty talk. Not too much, but if he says nothing, I’ll be thinking he might not be that into it. I’m super into social interactions of all types, and with sex being the most intimate example, my desire to connect to the other person is off the charts. I don’t mean the connection is necessarily long lasting. I like one-night stands too, but best believe it will still be an intimate experience anytime you take an INFP to bed.”


11. “As an INFP, I want my sex life to be meaningful and find it way more enjoyable when it is. As a result, I struggle to relate to the hookup culture we have today. I’m much too self-aware, so also cant really imagine myself comfortably getting kinky with an almost stranger or casual acquaintance fast enough for me to actually enjoy myself. I want and expect something more… substantial from sex than ‘just sex.’ I do love sex though and have no problem with trying anything new and experimenting, whether I suggest it or my partner does, but I’ll only do so with someone I absolutely trust. It also took me awhile, years in fact, to really learn how to ‘let go’ with my current partner. I found it easier and more important to give pleasure than to receive it, but once I got into the hang of enjoying sex for me and realized the person I’m with also enjoys it far more when I’m really into it, it was just an upward spiral from good sex to the more mind-blowing kind.”


12. “My dominant functions have probably encouraged me to over complicate my experience of sexuality and my expectations of others… Im afraid of being hurt, and Im afraid my own complications will lead to heart break… I really just want someone I can be with, without fearing judgement.”


13. “For me, as an INFP, can’t do the hookup culture. Can’t have sex with someone without being in love with them. When they get my body-they also get my soul.”


14. “If the other person is not enjoying it than I am not. I will often make sure my partner orgasms first. Sex is also about love and closeness. I like to spend hours cuddling and in floor play before the real action. Though these things are true for me, I do not share away from others sharing what they want, because everyone’s feelings are important.”


15. “Pretty open to all sorts of sexual types, that I feel its pointless having labels and categories, but also understand its important to establish sexual-orientated communities. Personally in my sex life, it’s been one that doesn’t revolve around sex as I get a deeper satisfaction from emotional intimacy, and treat sex as an expression of emotional intimacy than separable.”


16. “Having moved my major focus from MBTI to Enneagram lately, I’m more inclined to see my type 4 influence, but both apply. The rich inner life of the INFP corresponds with my tendency to fantasize, sometimes to a fault. Unfortunately the depth of the 4’s search for authenticity and the resulting anxiety, as well as tendency toward gratification, mistaking it for fulfillment and continuity in difficult times, has led me to overindulge sexually as a coping mechanism, at times to the point of addiction. Altogether, the thoroughness and contemplativeness of both my types make sexuality both a wonderfully meaningful and inextricably personal thing, with the benefit of knowing my own desires very well (tending gently toward dominance), and the risk of having sexual pleasure overshadow other routes to happiness.”


17. “Sex is always an emotional experience to me, even when I pretend it’s not.”


18. “I think being an INFP makes sex more intense. I feel like I bring a level of sensuality and passion that a lot of people haven’t seen before from other partners.”


19. “I suppose because I’m an INFP I crave both the novelty of new sexual experiences at the same time as I crave a nearly spiritual sexual connection, which makes it hard for one man to meet me where I am.”


20. “As an INFP, it really is true that sex needs to be emotionally meaningful in order for me to enjoy it. Sex is about connection.. I can masturbate alone to simply fulfill my physical needs. Sharing my heart, mind, and body with someone at the same time, though, is like heaven.”


21. “My belief in close, intimate relationships has steered me into more monogamous relationships instead of towards the casual hookup culture. I have no problem with it, if it works for other people, but it does not work for me.”


22. “As an INFP, I am slow to open up to romantic partners, but once I do, I am committed. I’ve only ever had sex with my husband, and I’m so glad. For me, sex has deep spiritual meaning, and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. On the other hand, within the context of our relationship, I’m pretty adventurous and open to trying new things together.”


23. “I feel things deeply. My body, emotions, and spirit are all connected. Every touch means something for me. I place a high value on romance.”


24. “I think I’m so comfortable being ‘in my head’ that when the opportunity arises to connect in an intimate way with someone else, it’s difficult for me to leave my mental sanctuary. I have a hard time feeling comfortable enough to engage in sexual acts and am critical of myself, perhaps in part due to my introverted feeling. My secondary extraverted intuition also seems to be somewhat non-sexual as I’d rather daydream or brainstorm about stories and scenarios above most anything else at a given time, sex definitely included. This being said, I do have a lot of sex dreams and I prefer them somewhat to real sex. Wait, I almost certainly prefer them. My brain is very strange. Oh well.”


25. “Being asexual it’s a lot easier to remain more indulgent about the romantic side rather than consider sex a big part of it. That being said, maybe sex and romance are related for most INFPs.”


26. “As an INFP, quick, casual relationships aren’t really my thing. XNFx tend to want things more grounded and concrete. I stayed celibate through most of college because the intimate opportunities undesired were extremely scarce. Sex is only as good as the chemistry you share with the person you’re with.”


27. “I would guess that your functions have an enormous impact on your sexuality. On forums (reddit especially) about, eg, what movies certain types prefer, you’ll always have someone who says ‘guys, that stuff isn’t really affected by your personality type,’ which is stupid, because it is. And so is sex. As an INFP, my experiences need to be different and exciting, but must also be very very emotional. As in, there needs to be a lot of verbal affirmations of love and little confidence boosting remarks. My two big relationships have been with an ENFJ and an ISTP, and there was obviously worlds of difference between the two. It was quite funny how, with the ENFJ, I would go from saying ‘it feels like you don’t find me attractive’ to ‘I sometimes feel like you’re objectifying me’ (pretend I sound less whiny there). With the ENFJ, things moved very slowly, but steadily progressed into kinky stuff. With the ISTP, things initially moved waaaay too fast, but didn’t really progress beyond that point. I can tell what someone would be willing to do, and I understood that a lot of the stuff I would be open to, ISTP would be weirded out by. I don’t really initiate things too often, but I did attempt to in this case, to no avail. I think as well that the things that turn types on is probably different – words (ie: erotica, suggestive flirting, mild dirty talk), for example, seem to be a big hit among the INFPs I know. I think INFP sex is very strongly rooted in ideas and not so much the physical act itself. BUT they need to be fairly suggestive ideas – like with dirty talk, it has to be very tame especially in terms of word usage. Like, crudeness and outright lewdness are a turn off. I suspect that the opposite can be said of sensors, who, I guess, would probably be more into very detailed and graphic wording.”


28. “As an INFP, I would rather have a connection with the person I’m sleeping with, which most likely means I want a relationship with them, so in the past, I’ve felt terrible after one night stands or have gotten too attached and started obsessing about the person.”


29. “I don’t think I’ve placed as much importance on orgasm as most people. I’ve always experienced sex as a much more all-encompassing, emotional experience that has physical effects far beyond that one discrete reaction that can be triggered by predictable physical activity.”


30. “With my personality type, sex is relational and emotional. So often times, depending on the partner, we try to please them and do what they like. If we don’t have a partner that gives to us as much as we do for them we can start to feel used. Just as in normal life, our people pleaser mentality can often times cause us to get run over. However, we are very creative and expressive individuals. Sex is making love manifest through our actions. We don’t judge so whatever our partners wildest fantasies are we willing to indulge in them with no reservations. If we have the right partner then that willingness can be reciprocated and in turn we can feel free to express our sexuality, which is ideal for an INFP. Full and total expression. I am married to an ENTJ so his push for exploring new things and confident personality coupled with my willingness for spontaneity makes it work really well.”


31. “I’m so ‘in my head’ that physical sex gets kind of boring. I’d rather have a really deep conversation, or snuggle up together most of the time. Historically, the best sex has been early on when the fantasy aspect is still there. Once I know someone well I’m more turned on by getting to know them more deeply than I am by purely sexual connection.”TC mark


Jump To:

Rationals: ENTP / INTP / ENTJ / INTJ
Artisans: ESTP / ISTP / ESFP / ISFP
Guardians: ESTJ / ISTJ / ESFJ / ISFJ
Idealists: ENFP / INFP / ENFJ / INFJ

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About the author
Heidi is the author of The First New Universe, The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide, and The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide. Follow Heidi on Instagram or read more articles from Heidi on Thought Catalog.

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