1. DOGS HAVE NO CHILL.
You know that person who won’t text you back, the professional connection who ghosted on you or the guy you went on a couple of dates with and then decided he ‘just wasn’t feeling it?’ These people are the ANTI-DOGS of the world. Dogs don’t withhold love or affection, like ever. You never have to wonder what they’re feeling about you. You know, because they’re slobbering all over your sweater the minute you get home and it’s fantastic.
2. Dogs are the best cuddlers out there.
They may be kind of yappy and get hair all over your couch, but show me a person whose heart doesn’t melt out of their body when a dog falls asleep on their lap and I will show you a raging sociopath.
3. Dogs are always up for an adventure.
Want to go swimming? Mountain climbing? Running in circles around the block chasing a milk truck? Guess who’s definitely up for it? DOGS. Try to get your no-fun significant other to join in on any of that. That’s what I thought. You should ditch them right now and adopt a dog.
4. Dogs are lower maintenance than babies.
Looking to raise something adorable? Maybe skip the tiny human and opt for a puppy instead. They’re just as annoying to house train but they’re never going to grow up and tell you they hate you and blare horrible music from their bedrooms. Dogs are like kids who forever stay at that adorable, sweet stage where they just want to cuddle and follow you around everywhere you go.
5. Dogs remind us what TRUE, UNADULTERATED HAPPINESS looks like.
Humans range from mostly-okay to pretty-good to downright-horrible, on the best of days. Dogs have like two emotions – disappointed and SO HAPPY IT’S LIKE THE SUN IS SHINING STRAIGHT OUT OF THEIR BODIES. If you’ve ever given up on the existence of happiness, go play with a dog for ten minutes. You’ll be reminded that there is sunshine and light left in the Universe.
6. Dogs are better at loving than humans are.
There is not a single human being on this planet who has ever loved a single other human being as much as every single dog loves literally everything and everyone else. A dog’s love is huge and overwhelming and unconditional. We could learn a thing or two from how dogs love.
7. Dogs will always listen to you and never judge you.
When you’ve got 99 problems, a dog will sit patiently and listen to every single one of them without ever once offering their judgments or giving you unwarranted feedback. They agree with everything you do because they know that you are super smart and can rule your own life like a boss. They are the endlessly supportive ‘Yes-men’ we all need when we just want someone to not judge us for running back to our ex.
8. Dogs never bother you with their own problems.
Everyone knows that the worst part of human relationships is the part where you have to stop talking about your own problems and listen to somebody else’s. Ugh, yuck. Dogs won’t bother you with any of that nonsense. They are here for you but they don’t need you to emotionally support them back. They just need you to feed them and generally ensure they won’t die.
9. Dogs are loyal AF.
If dogs were humans they would always text you back immediately and be your plus one to everything and never ghost on you to hang out with that new guy they just started seeing. Dogs are the ultimate ride-or-dies. They are better friends and partners than any of us could ever hope to be.
10. Dogs are real with us about who they actually are.
Dogs aren’t trying to fool you with their souped-up Instagram accounts and hilarious tweets. You never swipe right on a Dachshund and then show up to the date with a poodle. Dogs own who they are and they don’t care what you think of their antics. We could learn a thing or two from their straightforward attitude.
11. Dogs know all the best party tricks.
When we roll over and play dead, it’s just weird. When a dog rolls over and plays dead it’s hilarious and precious and everyone’s heart melts out of their chests. People can and will love your dog in a way that they will probably never love you, and can you blame them? I mean, really?
12. Dogs are heroes.
There is no mountain high enough, no valley low enough or no building on-fire enough to keep a dog away from his or her owner. Dogs are like lifeguards, trekking guides and firefighters all rolled into one adorable furry bundle.
Dogs cut down your stress hormones, lower your blood pressure and stabilize your mood. Humans do not do any of this. Humans spend most of their time doing the opposite of all of these things.
14. Dogs are so cute that your brains start to slither out of your ears every time you look at one.
There are very few humans that we can make this claim about.
Dogs are – and always will be – the ultimate superior race.