A Non-Comprehensive List Of Things I Do Instead Of Being With You

I up my chest weight. I run an extra mile.

I swipe left I swipe left I swipe left.

I write a chapter
of the new piece that I’m working on,
I try not to pen you
Into every single line
but I fuck up

I keep accidentally adding some loose version of you
Alongside some version of me
into every tired ending

I swipe left.

I text the boy from that concert in Vienna
He texts back

We all indulge in these impossible loves
From time to time
But the backburners are not boiling hot enough
To keep up with the curve of your smile
these days

I swipe right

I turn my phone off,
And I try to catch some sleep

In the morning I’ll run two extra miles
I’ll up my squat weight
I’ll answer messages
From smiling boys with dreadlocks, from edgy girls with sleeves,
I’ll miss the way that your eyes light up
in the middle of the night

I swipe right

And I remind myself
that there are 7 billion people on this planet
And that most of them are not you.

I swipe left

I check my messages
I unplug my phone

I wonder how many miles I’ll have to run
Before I stop seeing you in my periphery

I wonder how many times it will take to swipe your memory
Clean from the slate of my heart.