I want to be the person who’s right for you.
I want to be the girl you’ve been searching for – the one who fills in the blanks of all you didn’t know you were missing. The one who compels you inexplicably. The one who attracts you enigmatically. I want to be the girl you want with everything in you because nothing has ever felt quite so right as when we are together.
I want to be the person who understands you – the one who finishes your sentences, picks up on your subtleties, fills in all the unspoken blanks between the words you do not say. I want to be the person whose mind races alongside yours when we are lying awake at night, bridging the gaps between your ever-shifting thoughts and all of their intricate complexities. I want to understand you with a pure, unaltered simplicity that never perplexes or pries. I want to comprehend you with ease.
I want to be the person who makes you proud – the one you boast about to friends and family members with an unabashed smile. I want to be the person you’ve been waiting for all along, the one you come alive beside and thrive with, the one you’re glad that you held out for over all these years. I want to be the person you’re proud of. I want to be proud of you too.
I want to be the person who’s right for you – one who pushes you in all the right ways to be the best version of yourself. I want to want the same things you do, feel the same things that you feel, look toward the future and hope for the same things that you hope for yourself. I want to be the person who is right for you, but I’m not. And I cannot pretend to be anymore.
I am not the person you’re looking for. I’m not the woman you want. I’m not a single embodiment of anything you need in a person but my God do I ever wish I were. I wish that I could be the person who fits in so perfectly beside you.
I want to be the person who can settle – the one who wants that steady 9-5 job and that comfortable, steady lifestyle. I want to quiet my mind, calm my spirit, sink into the world that you could offer me because it is more than most hope for in a lifetime. So long as I am with you there will always be a part of me that wishes I could simply be softer. Calmer. Less argumentative and more understanding than I have ever learned how to be. I will always wish I were the person you could fit with. One who accepts things as they are rather than always trying to challenge, change and transform them. I want to be the person who does not always need something more.
I want to be the person who’s right for you but I’m not. I’m loud when you need me to be quiet. I’m weak where you need me to be strong. I am wrong for you in every way that somebody else could be right and I don’t want to hold you back anymore. I’m a person that I’m proud of but I’m far from the person that you need. And try as we might, we’re never going to be right for each other.