1. You lose the ability to focus on anything.
Remember when you used to use your brain to think about important issues and evaluate the world around you? Not anymore! Now your brain just wants to think about that text your crush sent you last night or replay the time you almost kissed ten thousand times on repeat. Oh, you thought you were going to get work done today? How endearing. Go marry your crush and then maybe try it again.
2. The part of your brain that remembers how to form coherent sentences just bails.
Never are you SO AWARE of everything that’s coming out of your mouth as when your crush is politely waiting for you to finish your sentence. You want to preface everything with “Don’t listen to me! I don’t know where I’m going with this sentence! You make me lose focus because you’re incredibly attractive! Please stop that!”
3. You regress back into a thirteen-year-old when texting.
Every sentence ends with ‘lol’ because whatever, you don’t care. You’re just joking about everything. You’re so chill. It didn’t take your forty-five minutes to carefully construct that text, lol.
4. You become UBER aware of their physical presence.
Before you became interested in this person you were totally fine being around them. Now whenever you’re in the same room you are KEENLY aware of where they are in relation to you, at all times. Is that how close they normally stand to you? It’s not, right? It’s intentional. Okay, you’re going to laugh and touch their arm now. ARE YOU APPLYING THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF PRESSURE? How long do you touch someone’s arm for? When did all of this get so complicated?
5. You CANNOT be cool when talking about that person.
A mutual acquaintance suggests inviting your crush along to an outing and you’re all “Oh that’s right, that person! I totally forgot they existed. It would be fine if they come, I guess. I feel totally neutral about them. Hahaha.”
6. You start picturing them naked at totally inappropriate times.
Like when you’re hanging out with them. And they’re looking directly at you. And you’re 100% sure that you’re blushing but it’s too late to fix the situation now.
7. You kind of just want to avoid them.
Seeing your crush in real life opens up a wide range of possibility for interaction and who knows where that could lead? You’re sure not going to find out. You’re going to keep your crush right where they belong – in your brain. No sense letting reality interfere with your perfectly functional imaginary relationship.
8. Your best friend starts wanting to kill you.
Because every conversation you have centers around this thing or that thing that your crush said and whether or not they like you (they like you, right?). You’re stuck in the ultimate circular debate because you will not be convinced of anything until you have definite, concrete proof – like when your crush finally makes a move.
9. You become extremely paranoid about them overhearing something.
You can’t so much as mention your crush’s name until your phone is in your direct line of vision and you are 110% sure that you definitely are not butt dialing them. If your crush learns that you had fun on your date with them it’s obviously all over.
10. Eventually you obsess your way through to the other side.
After a week or two of crushing, you realize something incredible: You’ve stopped feeling totally crazy! You can hang out with your crush and be cool! You no longer resemble a skittish young animal every time they move toward you! You’ve been cured! This is wonderful. This is perfect. This is good. And then they kiss you. And the whole process starts up again.