1. It’s never going to be your fault that somebody else took advantage of you.
It’s not your fault for not knowing better. It’s not fault your fault for having your guard down. It’s not your fault that there are people who are crooked and cruel and dishonest in this world and that they identified you as someone to take themselves out on. You are not responsible for their hideous actions. What they did to you is never going to be your fault.
2. It is never going to be your fault that somebody hates you.
We can do our best to minimize our negative impact on others – to be good and kind and apologetic when we have done something wrong, but at the end of the day, hatred is a feeling that every one of us chooses for ourselves. We cannot control the acidity running between someone else’s veins any more than we can control their heartbeat. They have to choose to release that feeling. All we can do is remember to do the same when it’s us being plagued by the same disease.
3. It is never going to be your fault that you didn’t say or do more when you didn’t know it was your last chance.
It’s not your fault that someone slipped away before they should have. It’s not your fault that you thought you’d have so many more opportunities to tell them what you loved and honored and forgive them for. It’s not your fault that it’s suddenly, so unexpectedly, too late. It’s not your fault for not predicting the untimely end.
4. It is never going to be your fault that you are struggling with mental health.
It’s not your fault that you’re struggling with a deficiency or lapse or over-abundance of any chemical or impulse inside of your mind. It’s not your fault that your brain is constrained to different patterns than the brains of other people and that your life reflects that difference. You are no more at fault for your illness than someone else is at fault for their flu or their cancer. The struggles you’re facing with your own mental health are never going to be your fault.
5. It’s never going to be your fault that you don’t feel the way you wish you did about somebody.
We are not wired to love anyone simply because they are kind and good and well meaning and they know what kind of coffee we like. It is not your fault that your heart beats faster for people who are entirely imperfect on paper than for someone who your mother would absolutely love. Who you love is a reflection of who compliments you and you are not at fault for what you need to balance yourself out.
6. It is never going to be your fault that someone else chose to end his or her life.
It is never, ever going to be your fault that someone else slipped into a place devoid of hope. It isn’t your fault that their mind waged war on their body and won. It is not their fault that they lost their life to an illness they spent so long fighting and it’s not your fault you couldn’t save them. Someone else’s sickness will never be something that you have control over, no matter how much you love them.
7. It is never going to be your fault that you are not who someone else wishes you were.
It is not your fault that somebody else has expectations that you cannot or will not live up to. It’s not your fault that your natural inclinations do not line up with someone else’s idea of perfect. It’s not your responsibility to waste your life trying to be someone else’s version of enough and it’s never going to be.
8. It is never going to be your fault that someone was unfaithful to you.
It’s not your fault that someone betrayed the trust you carefully placed in your hands. It wasn’t something that happened because you weren’t smart enough or pretty enough or sexual enough. It wasn’t your fault for letting things go stale. Someone else’s betrayal will never be a reflection of who you are – it will always only be on them.
9. It is never going to be your fault that somebody else doesn’t love you the way you want them to.
Someone else’s love is not a thing that you’re entitled to because you wore the right thing or giggled at the right times or texted them a perfectly normal amount. It’s not your right to gain it or your fault when you lose it. You could be the brightest piece of gold on earth and there will still be people who prefer silver.
10. It will never be your fault that you’re inclined a certain way.
That you think a little differently, speak a little more distinctly, love a little more intensely or feel things a bit too strongly. You were born with all your strengths and reservations stitched into the incredible tapestry of who you are and it’s only your job to use them to the best of your ability. What you are is never going to be your fault. And neither is what you are not.