Here’s The Real Reason Why They Chose Two Bachelorettes (Probably)

You may have had the uncomfortable experience of watching the next Bachelorette’s reveal on Monday night’s episode of “After the final rose.” This season they’ll do something they’ve never done before (And no it’s not a bisexual bachelor[ette]. Seriously, when are they going to have a bisexual bachelor[ette]?). They’ve chosen TWO bachelorettes. Fan favorite Kaitlyn and controversial Britt. Wondering why they did it? Aren’t we all. I’m here to present the best hypothesis that seems to be available at the time.

Here’s why they probably did it.

They always pick the crowd favorite for the bachelor/bachelorette. Andi won because she told off Juan Pablo. Ben won because his unruly rejection made our hearts bleed. And this season, Kaitlyn won because she was that cool, down to earth girl who other girls like to pretend they are. Seems to be an obvious choice for the bachelorette right?

Sure. Except they chose Britt too.

See, here’s the problem – Kaitlyn’s cool. She’s edgy. She’s the ultimate chill girl who hangs out with you and your guy friends and doesn’t cause unnecessary drama. Power to her. But have we ever had a bachelorette like that? Nope. Because this show is about feelings. And to have a show about feelings, we require a main character who has a lot of them – and doesn’t mind sharing with the camera.

Enter Britt. This girl was an emotional mess most of the season. She loved the show, she hated the show. She befriended the girls, she turned against the girls. She was in one day and out the next and no matter how much you loved or hated Britt, you have to admit – you paid attention when that girl was on screen. Her emotional roller coaster kept you guessing. And after the tedious finale of Chris Soule’s season, I think we’re all ready for some drama. Which is exactly what Kaitlyn is not going to give us.

Sure, she has feelings. We all do. But there are exactly two times we ever saw Kaitlyn be vulnerable on this season of the Bachelor and they were:

(A) When she got eliminated, and

(B) That time she “Opened up” to Chris and told him she was falling in love with him, but essentially had nothing more interesting to say than that.

Kaitlyn just doesn’t seem to want to talk about her feelings. And that’s fine! A lot of girls don’t. But those girls do not become reality TV stars. They stay in their hometowns, do their cool laid-back thing and live a natural, drama-free life. None of us want to watch that show. We want drama! We want passion! We want Bachelorettes who get emotionally invested in fourteen different guys and feel eternally conflicted over which one to choose. That sounds a lot more like Britt than like Kaitlyn.

When it comes down to it, Britt is more suited to the Bachelorette role. But Kaitlyn is clearly the crowd favorite. By choosing two Bachelorettes, ABC ensures that crowds will watch the first episode for Kaitlyn but probably stick around for Britt. Or just to figure out how the hell this season is going to work.

Here’s how they should have announced it.

I have to admit that the announcement was abysmal. Chris Harrison tried to convince everyone that they liked both girls equally, nobody agreed, and then they brought the two girls out on stage, both looking awkward and vaguely pissed off. Not the finest reveal in TV history.

They should have announced this by first saying that they’d chosen Britt for the Bachelorette. Why? Because this would make people REALLY FREAKING ANGRY. They hate Britt. They rile up against her. They’d have watched her introductory video with fists curled tightly and livid insecurity screaming through their bloodstream.

Except wait a minute – Plot twist! The video’s changing! Suddenly it’s Kaitlyn walking towards the screen with dramatic after-school-special music playing in the background. Thank God!! Bachelor Nation sighs with relief. They got what they wanted. And because this is a fantasy world, Chris Harrison actually understands the rules of what’s happening with the next season. He explains how this “Two girls, twenty five guys” thing is finally going to happen on a TV show that you don’t have watch in incognito mode. We have a clear vision of the next season and we’re kind of excited to watch it.

The biggest downfall of this choice is how disorganized it is.

It’s not that they chose Kaitlyn. It’s not that they chose Britt. It’s not even that they chose to girls and forced them to awkwardly share the spotlight. It’s simply that the Bachelor producers seem to have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA where they’re going to take this thing next.

Are they going to kick one of the Bachelorettes off on the very first episode? Are they going to have to fight it out for guys? Are the two girls going to have to come to mutual conclusions or do they each possess their own set of roses? It’s clear that nobody has any clue. The girls even admitted on Jimmy Kimmel that they don’t know the details and they’re not sure the producers do either.

Only time will tell I guess.

Are you going to tune into the next season of the Bachelorette? Either way, there’s only one thing we ever know for sure:

This is going to be the most dramatic season in Bachelorette history.