The problem with love nowadays is that our pride always has to come first. We brush things off when we’d rather hold them close. We play it cool when we’d rather lose our shit. We let our thoughts get ahead of our hearts and we are so desperate to avoid neediness that we’ve forgotten what it means to actually try for one another. To stick our necks out for each other. To fight to work things out, even when the odds are stacked against us. Despite what it may seem like at the time, the situations that make us want to run in the other direction are often the exact ones we ought to see through. If you’re with the kind of woman worth having, here are a few times when she needs you to stick around and fight.
1. When you’ve had a blowout
She wants you to fight for her after the fight. When harsh words have flown, emotions have run high and resolving your dispute seems like the last thing that is possible, she wants you to keep trying. Every time. You may both need some space but what she needs even more is a reminder – no matter how small – that you still care. That you want to work through it. That fixing whatever is broken is a priority – a bigger one than figuring out who’s right and who’s wrong. The painstaking radio silence isn’t going to fix anything, but your willingness to keep trying is. Even if it comes in the form of an “I’m not giving up” text message – now is the time when she needs it the most.
2. When distance pulls you apart
No matter how terrible distance is, no matter how much you’ve talked it through and no matter how much sense it makes for you to go your separate ways, there will always be a crazy, irrational side of us that wants to say “F*** it” and hold on to each other despite it all. It may seem crazy to salvage a relationship that will be separated by distance but it’s crazier still not to try. It’s crazy to let a good thing go to waste because one person was too afraid to say the words “I don’t want you to go,” and the other was too proud to say “I’ll stay.” It’s not easy to swallow your pride, but let me promise you this: No one gets off the plane for the person who didn’t ask them to stay. And no matter how proud she may seem, a small part of her wishes you would.
3. When she’s up against someone else
Yes, she wants you to challenge her. She wants you to be real with her. But above all else, she wants you to stand beside her. To encourage her. To support her through each bump in the road. When she fights with someone else, you need to advocate for her. To be part of her team, even if the team goals are unclear. She will not always be right – and neither will you – but she needs support while she’s figuring it out. She needs to know that she’s heading into battle with backup.
4. When things aren’t right between you
Fight for her when it makes the least sense to. When everything seems to be going to hell, when you’re not sure if you’re going to make it through this, when you don’t know how or what she wants to hear, that’s when you need to fight the hardest. To love the strongest. To try your damndest to figure things out, even if you’re not sure that you can. These are the times that matter most. If you stop trying when things are in the dumps, they’re going to stay there. And you’re going to stay there with them. You have to fight when you think that all the hope you have is lost, in order to find out that it’s not. That there’s another side to all of it. You just have to persevere to get there.
5. When things are definitely right between you
To hold on to the kind of girl worth having, you cannot stop fighting when it’s good. You can’t stop courting her, can’t stop loving her, can’t stop trying to win her over once you’re already together. Because the more effort you put in, the more you’ll get out. The longer you spend getting to know one another, the longer you’ll spend falling in love. How happy any couple is relates directly to how much they try with one another – How much they push and challenge and grow with one another, whether it’s been fourteen days or forty years. The couples that drive one another to constantly be better are the ones who get to fall in love over and over again.
6. When she fights for you
Because she will. Any girl who’s worth sticking your neck out for is going to fight for you come hell or high water. She will be by your side in the thick and through the thin of things. She’ll be there when she’s angry, when she’s frustrated, when she’s upset and when she’s hurting. She’ll be there through the blowouts, through the distance, through the toughest times and hardest decisions. She’ll have your back when you need her to most. She’ll persevere when the future’s uncertain. She’ll talk it out when she’d rather walk away and she will answer your messages, even when she’s angry and reeling and unsure. The girl you need to fight for is the one who does not give up. She’ll stand by you through every argument, every chance, every fork in the road you choose to walk down together. Fight for that girl. Because if you don’t, she’s going to fight for a life without you. And she is always strong enough to win that battle.