Of the hundreds of Tarot readings I’ve given to people around the world, I’d say around 80% of them ask about attracting or nurturing a romantic relationship. It’s no surprise, really. Research has shown that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. For many of us, finding love represents one of life’s greatest challenges and rewards. Feeling seen, held, and accepted by someone who operates on the same frequency and values that we do – what we often term a ‘soulmate connection’ – makes the world seem more vibrant and life more meaningful.
I’m not just speaking as a Tarot reader or relationships counsellor-in-training. I know from personal experience and can relate to so many of you who seek a Tarot reading about love. It is, in fact, how I first came to the cards. At 30, I felt lonely and hopeless about my love life. I needed to know if a guy I had been hanging around with was ‘the one’ (he wasn’t). That first reading, though disappointing at the time, took me on a profound journey of learning how to use the Tarot myself to find lasting, authentic love. I am now living my dream life with my soulmate – and it took less than a year to get there because I made a commitment to listen to the guidance of my heart through the cards.
Using the lens of personal experience and my expertise in Tarot, I wanted to share five steps to making the most of your relationship reading. I also share some suggested questions for the cards that will help accelerate your soulmate connection. Let’s dive in!
1. Be open-minded.
There have been occasions when a client asked me about finding love, and the message in the cards focused on something that seemed totally unrelated, like ‘needing to move to Devon’ (true story!). I’ve seen this happen in my own life too. When I asked about how to find love, the answer was to ‘go into retreat’ and focus on my health. It seemed counter-intuitive because being a hermit doesn’t exactly invite love prospects, but I decided to follow along anyway. I volunteered at a meditation center as a form of retreat and started paying more attention to my eating habits. It was only a couple of months down the line that I realized why the cards had guided me as they did. I ended up meeting my soulmate at that center, and we bonded over our shared desire to live more healthy lives. I could never have guessed that taking those initial steps would lead me to true love, but the point is this: Everything in your life is interconnected. If your Tarot reader provides you with insight that seems irrelevant and doesn’t directly touch on your love life, be open-minded. Follow the insight anyway. Life is full of twists and turns. The journey to finding that special someone will be unique to your life and may require some creative maneuvering. Be willing to take the long and winding road. It may just lead you to the love you’ve been seeking, while also teaching you a whole lot more about yourself.
Suggested Tarot question: What area of my life do I most need to bring into alignment in order to support and strengthen my quest for love?
2. Make your questions center around you.
I’m going to be honest with you. My least favorite love question is this: Do they like me? I get it often, and while I totally understand where it’s coming from (I’ve been there), it almost always feels like a waste of your precious time and money. Your Tarot reading is about you and your feelings, not someone else. It might provide some temporary happiness to know someone likes you (or despair if not), but what exactly do you plan to do with that information now? Wouldn’t it be better and more efficient to just cut straight to the chase and ask what you can do to progress a potential love interest or attract a soulmate? If they’re not for you, that’s guaranteed to come up in the reading anyway. Always remember that the Tarot is here to support and empower you to do what’s best. It will do absolutely nothing for you to desire someone and then passively wait for them to come into your life. Attraction needs action. When we focus our questions on other people and what they think, it’s often out of a fear of rejection or a feeling of disempowerment and helplessness. However, when you decide to center yourself in your reading, you’ll come away from it with actionable insight that puts you in the driver’s seat of your love life.
Suggested Tarot question: How can I attract true and authentic love into my life?
3. Focus on feeling rather than form.
Why do any of us even want a relationship? It takes so much energy and often requires a lot of compromise, so why bother at all? Whoever you are, the basic reason for why you want a relationship is to feel good. You want to feel good about life, yourself, and the future. But what if I told you that you don’t actually need a relationship to start feeling that way? Imagine this scenario: You’re reading the last chapter of a book, and it has just had the happiest ending you could imagine. You close that book feeling uplifted, joyful, and hopeful. Why? Nothing in your life has changed, and yet everything suddenly seems better. You were able to manufacture positive feelings through the power of your imagination. Embarking on a spiritual journey for love requires the same shift in your mindset. Start focusing on how you want a relationship to make you feel, and then take action to help yourself feel those feelings right now. For example, if physical intimacy is important to you because it makes you feel safe, try hugging yourself in the mornings or taking a long luxurious bath to relax. It may sound trite, but it works! I have seen it happen in my own life and the lives of many of my clients.
Suggested Tarot question: What can I do to cultivate more gratitude and good feeling in my life?
4. Commit to acknowledging your pain and healing yourself.
A huge part of my journey to finding my soulmate, and that of my clients, is committing to what is called ‘shadow work’. Although it may sound scary, your ‘shadow’ is simply the parts of yourself you feel ashamed of or repressed in order to ‘fit in’ or meet the expectations of others. We all have a shadow self, and much of it formed in childhood. The way we learned how to attach and give and receive love from our parents or caregivers often shapes our relationships in adult life. In a Tarot reading, it can be so healing to explore your insecurities, fears, and experiences of rejection in the past. Simply acknowledging them is often enough to weaken them and make way for more authentic and loving relationships to enter your life. If you do not feel able to speak to a Tarot advisor about this, I’d highly recommend seeking out professional guidance to help clear away some of those limiting beliefs that may be blocking you from finding true love. Personally, I spent many weeks exploring my troubled relationship with my dad using the Tarot cards. I could finally see how I had spent many years of my life trying to seek approval where I would never get it, and this pattern replicated itself across several unhappy relationships. Once I acknowledged this, I could start to imagine what it would feel like to find someone who could accept me and love me for who I am.
Suggested Tarot question: What parts of my shadow do I need to acknowledge and heal in order to find true love?
5. Give yourself permission to love yourself.
We often seek out a romantic relationship because it finally gives us permission to feel like we are worthy of love. However, what if we were to transfer that power from other people and back to ourselves? It was literally the most life-altering moment when I realized that I could give myself all the love I thought I deserved from someone else. When I started to do that (and it took a lot of practice!), I automatically made space in my life for others to love me. Once people can sense that you love yourself, they respond in kind. And when you love yourself, your ability to support and connect with other people massively expands. It’s such a simple thing, but often so difficult to do in a world that is constantly trying to profit from our insecurities and feelings of lack. I would say that learning to love yourself is the single most revolutionary thing you can do, and it will accelerate your journey to finding a soulmate more than anything else. The Tarot is here to help you figure exactly how to do that, and asking questions about self-love and self-care are, in my opinion, among the most worthy questions you can ever ask of the cards.
Suggested Tarot question: How can I cultivate more self love?
I hope that’s been insightful and has left you feeling inspired to take empowered action towards finding authentic, meaningful and true love in your life. I wish you all the happiness in the world.