I’m Tired Of Being Happy

If you clicked on this link looking for a pick-me-up, exit immediately. I got nothing for you.

A student stayed after class the other day to ask what my zodiac sign was. She said, “I just love that you are always so happy.” I immediately flinched and waited to see if Zeus may strike me with a bolt of lightning.

I have been a lot of things these past couple weeks, but happy isn’t one of them.

Is it just me or does it feel like the world is dark? When I say the world is dark I actually mean people. I am tired of a lot of things lately, and one of which is passing the buck.

“The world” being dark is a vague and cliché way of me actually saying people suck and I am tired of it.

I’m tired of watching one of my best friends drag herself from room to room, begging people to donate $50, $30, heck give her an I OWE YOU for $5 and she would scream, “Bless you!” All this peddling so she can answer the burden she’s been carrying and build a school so kids CAN FREAKING LEARN in Zimbabwe.

Do you know how many churches someone has to visit in order try and beg someone to ACTION rather than apathy? James 4:15-16 reads like a clapback tweet these days. “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”

People act like she is asking them to grab a shovel. You don’t actually have to roll up your sleeves and do anything. She’ll do all the work. Could you just forego one pair of leggings so she can dig a well and get these kids clean water? #blessings.

I am tired of listening to my single friends go on bad date after bad date with guys who seem nice when offering to pull out their chair, but impatient when they won’t pull off their pants.

I am tired of politics. I am tired of defining myself by a political party that doesn’t give a crap about me. I am sick of companies stamping pink ribbons on their products and donating as much of their profits to actual breast cancer treatment as my kids have in their piggy banks. People are actually MAKING MONEY off of cancer! If that doesn’t make you want to shred your clothing and wail in the streets I don’t think I can be friends with you.

While we are here, now is as good a time as any to tell you how much I hate porn. 1 in 3 college age males today admit that they would rape a woman if no one would find out. Of course they don’t actually say the R word, but when you ask them if it is acceptable to have sex with a girl who passes out mid make-out sesh, they don’t see why not. I wore my “Porn kills love” t-shirt the other day, and a student asked me why I didn’t like porn. If you are actually interested in some of the issues of porn here is a TED Talk by Gary Wilson. He’s a little nerdy but the research is killer. Look, I don’t have the energy to break down a dissertation on neuroscience here, but we are fooling ourselves if we actually think that what we are watching isn’t shaping our brains. Reality Television, I’m looking at you too. I personally believe chivalry died when porn was born. I don’t care if you don’t agree with me. No need to comment or press send on that impressive email you are crafting. Go ahead and keep up the valiant and heroic fight of justifying an industry that capitalizes off of the exploitation of women. Good luck with that Roger.

I am sick of beautiful, intelligent, hilarious women, struggling to patch bullet holes with duct tape. 1 out of 3 children in this country are robbed of feeling loved by the dad who created them. This one relationship failure makes kids 4x more likely to live in poverty, 7x more likely to experience teenage pregnancy, and 2x more likely to drop out of high school. Let’s give a round of applause to the men who are actually being men. If you aren’t calling out your deadbeat son or boyfriend for the way he treats the kids he never calls, you are part of the problem.

Also can we make a unanimous decision right now to stop ghosting people? If you want to break up with someone, have a face to face conversation with them. Don’t just stop answering their calls, or change your status on social media. These are REAL PEOPLE not game pieces. If you want to end a relationship, a friendship, a business partnership, have a conversation. It will absolutely be uncomfortable, but it is imperative to give people closure. Ghosting out may be convenient but it is also dehumanizing. We strip away at people’s dignity, and then act confused that this is the most depressed generation in US history. Of course we are!

I’m seriously tired of encouraging people to “look past the clouds” when there’s a freaking eclipse and rainstorm that I am shouting over. It’s cold and they are soaking wet and I am supposed to pretend I don’t notice? I don’t have the right answer for you.

I don’t want to point to a bright side because sometimes there isn’t one. Sometimes it just sucks and I think it is more beneficial for me to say that, and give you permission to feel whatever it is you feel right now. It is okay not to be happy. You don’t have to fake it.

There is A LOT of darkness in this world and I don’t want to pass the buck anymore and make it seem like it’s this mysterious supernatural force in the air that is working against us like the Ides of March. This is us. We are doing this to each other. We are divided, and selfish, and cruel. This is who we are, myself included.

So no, things aren’t “fine,” and I am tired of being happy. Today I’m just going to be real and I hope you will forgive me for failing.

BTW if you would like to donate to that school in Zimbabwe you can go here.