Trainwreck And Monogamy: Why It Doesn’t Work

Imagine being a little girl/boy, and you’re supposed to pick one toy to play with for the rest of your life. How do you pick one toy, when there are so many other toys to play with? It’s near impossible, and the movie Trainwreck starts off making sure you know that. Monogamy is near impossible, and this movie proves that it is not for everyone.

First off, monogamy isn’t natural. We’re all mammals, meaning our natural instinct is for us to focus on reproducing. If it weren’t for the social constructs of relationships and marriage, I personally think every single person would go around with anyone they found “fit,” not just sticking with one person. Think about it. How many people do you find attractive on a given day? I know I personally go through at least 5-10, and that’s on a slow day. If it weren’t for the labels, I would probably go for them. To be frank, I’m sure many of you would. We were not made to have relationships, just reproduce. I don’t know when marriage became the societal norm, but in nature, it’s not. I don’t see animals sticking together for life. They bang and move on with it. That’s the way it should be.

Second, commitment is a BIG deal. If you get married, it’s supposed to last your entire life. With lifespans just getting longer (and longer and longer and longer), you could be looking at 50+ years with the same person. At some point, this person won’t be exciting to you. You know the honeymoon phase where you swoon and have butterflies and only think of this person? That will fade. Love learning about people’s interests, favorite things, hobbies, and passions? You’ll learn them, and then that’s it. There will be nothing else to learn because you already know everything. What else can you learn after being with someone for so long? Nothing new or exciting. Love dressing up and impressing each other? That’ll go faster than Rhonda Rousey’s latest knockout. You’ll start peeing with the door open, farting when you think the other person is sleeping (and they aren’t), and you’ll wake up to an awkward morning boner and nasty breath. Very romantic, right? I love the beginning of getting to know a person: the passion, lust, and excitement. In a relationship, that goes away. I have made the choice to never lose it by not being with one person, and it’s a choice I’m glad I made.

Another point I have to make…. it’ll get boring in the bedroom. As Amy (Amy Schumer) said about Steven (John Cena) in the movie, “it’s like f***ing an ice sculpture.” Amy tried her best to spice up their relationship, but it failed. When she tried getting him to talk dirty in the movie, he talked about the gym and proteins, talked to her in Chinese, and told her she looked like a man from behind. Maybe that’s a turn on for some people, but I’m pretty sure the majority of people in the world do NOT feel that way. If you try to add variety to your sex life and it fails, then what? You’re supposed to just grin and bear it? I think not. I will go find someone who can please me and do what I want.

The last point I’ll make…relationships are hard enough. You have to worry about how you look and what you’re saying and whether or not the person returns feelings. There are constant questions over boundaries mentally, emotionally, and physically that you need to be aware of if you’re trying to be in a relationship. You have to balance your work and school and social schedules with another person’s work and school and social schedules, which is becoming increasingly difficult with the hours young people work to get ahead. You have to be nice and make the other person happy, often giving up your own wants to compromise. With sex, you don’t have to. You know that you and the other person are on the same page. The only boundaries you need to worry about are safe words. Your schedule can consist of a 2 a.m. booty call, and it’s acceptable. Monogamy requires less work for more satisfaction. I will gladly accept that.

Monogamy isn’t for everyone, especially me. I prefer to be tipsy with someone I don’t know who’s name I don’t have to remember. I would rather hit it and quit it and move on with my life than suffer through a relationship that will most likely end. Even if you end up marrying someone, there’s a 50% chance it’ll end. Good luck with those chances. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


More From Thought Catalog