Love is not linear; love is all about exponential growth, like compound interest. You do not seek love, you become it and watch as it finds you. The love I know is the most selfless, exhilarating, and vulnerable of all. It didn’t enter my life as a gifted box of chocolates would or like the feeling of getting my favorite flowers delivered at my doorstep, but more so like a book that caught my attention and I decided to give a chance, and now I continually take my time with each word I read because I want to savor every moment.
This is the love I never saw coming nor thought I was capable of receiving. My entire love life felt as if I was watching the same type of movie with the same bad ending, just different actors. Eventually, a part of you gives up or temporarily gives your heartstrings a break. You can only put yourself out there for so long; quite frankly, it was the most emotionally draining part of being single. Every emotionless void I sought out to fill resulted in me becoming the emotionless one.
The girl who notoriously viewed herself as a true romantic became hopeless. Just like so many people, I was sucked in by societal pressure to conform to certain standards in the love department, and thus fell victim to my own pessimistic perception about my lackluster love life. I wanted to be content with my relationship status, so I took five steps backwards to move 10 steps ahead. Instead of worrying about external factors, I focused on the internal, the biggest part of me that I avoided. I trusted myself and the universe. I promised myself that I would not settle for someone who only meets me at surface level. I reassured myself time and time again that someone in this world would want to genuinely understand me, would never use my past against me, and would truly love me to the bones. And that’s exactly what I got.
This is the love that shakes you to your core, the one you try to fight off by throwing every challenge imaginable, the one you’re scared to let in and watch in awe as it soaks your soul because it’s the love you never want to lose. This is the one that never jeopardizes your relationship by putting themselves in a compromising situation. The one that faces every fear, every challenge, and every struggle by your side. And, the one who never fails to make damn sure you know how much loving you is their favorite pastime.
As cliché as it sounds, every heartbreak you’ve experienced pays off when you meet someone like this. In a way, you look back and laugh at how much you’ve put up with and how blind you were to red flags, but you also can’t help feeling a little sorry for yourself, thinking a greater love isn’t out there or that you aren’t worthy of receiving an extraordinary love. As humans, we tend to get caught up with people who only serve our ego and rush to label it as love, and that’s why you have to let go of those people, because they will never meet you at your inner being.
Authentic love is so rare, but I promise you it is out there waiting to knock you off your feet when you least expect it. And when it does come, everything will fall into place and make sense, as if the last puzzle piece you believed must have been lost has miraculously appeared to give you what you needed.