1. When The Phrase “No Drama” Appears Anywhere In His Profile
Well aren’t you a special snowflake! It’s one of those things where I’m all, if you have to say you don’t want any “drama” then certainly you must be a drama magnet, because obviously nobody wants to be around a train wreck. No relationship is perfect and there is not a single person on this earth who does not have some personality quirk or other thing that doesn’t take some getting used to. My last boyfriend had a huge Napoleon complex. No seriously — he thought he was probably Napoleon in a previous life. Oh. Ok.
2. When The Guy Looks Like He Wears Axe Body Spray
You know these people — they are a TYPE. As long as a guy smells good it doesn’t matter to me what fragrance he uses UNLESS his fragrance of choice is 120 bottles of Axe Body Spray worn all at once. The problem isn’t the fragrance — it’s the fact that people who wear Axe feel like they must wear all of it in one go for women to feel its effects.
3. When There Is A Match But No Response
The whole fun of Tinder is being able to make matches and that like millisecond wait when you ‘like’ someone and your heart stops as you wait to see if they liked you back. Such a cool idea! What sucks though are “like collectors” who get tons of likes but never write you or respond when you write to them. Tha actual fuck?
4. When There Are Photos Of Him Working Out
I get it. You’re a bro and you work out and you are so beefy and you think women love you because you have so many muscles and wow just look at how much you can lift. I almost never swipe right on gym pics. Too cocky :/
5. When There Are 3 to 6 Guys In His Photos
Okay seriously how am I supposed to like your profile if every single one of your pictures is of you and like 12 other people? I am so glad you have friends and are popular but I can’t be bothered to try to figure out which one of you you are. It’s almost like you’re hiding something…
6. When All Pictures Are Of Him In Sunglasses
7. His Main And Perhaps Only Picture Is Of A Sunset/Beach/Pet/Food Item
8. You Exchange Numbers And He Immediately Starts Texting You Dick Pics
I was talking to one really cute and handsome guy on Tinder who was telling me all about how he is a tutor in a high school and how he teaches piano and I was like aww this guy sounds cool and cute and responsible and like he has a good heart. Fast forward to when we exchange numbers and the first 10 messages from him are pics of his dick and a video of him jacking off his dick. Eventually I blocked his messages but obviously I kept the pics.