It was love. It felt real. It felt like nothing else in the world was truly right until you met him. He became the world. He became your world..
Until it came crashing down.
At first, it hurts a lot. Like you’ve just had open heart surgery and watched the doctor play with your still-beating pieces and break them in his hand over and over until it’s tiny shards of what used to be whole. You’ll cry. Your chest will hurt because your heart is broken. The very mention of the word “love” or a thought of Him will leave you excusing yourself to go have a mini-breakdown session in the restroom. And then, guess what? You’ll cry some more.
Then, you’ll feel numb. Like not a single thing in the world can phase you. Like you just had every emotion in the world ripped out of your life, and you just remain. Emotionless. Heartless (because he took it and broke it, remember?) And you just feel like an empty shell, which, let’s face it, isn’t such a bad thing compared to tears in a restroom stall.
Pretty soon, you’ll actually begin to smile again. It’s like the world comes back to you. Pretty things start to look pretty again. Funny things start to be funny again. And then one night, after you’ve come home and relaxed after a semi-decent day, you’ll go to tell Him about it… except, He won’t be there. And then, you’ll cry again.
You’ll peek at his social network page. Just to see if He is as heart broken as you are. Just to see if there is any semblance of the heart break you feel in his postings. And when you don’t see it, you’ll cry. You’ll internalize. You’ll think, “well, jeez, maybe I am taking this a little too hard.” Amazingly though, you aren’t.
You’ll keep his text conversation in your phone. Just to peek at every once in awhile. You’ll rummage through old pictures you used to have and remember when he said the sweetest things. You’ll remember how you felt the first time you heard him say, “I love you.” And, you’ll cry some more.
Then one day, out of the blue, and what seems like eons later from the actual break up, you’ll start to breathe again. Thinking of him doesn’t hurt so much right then. You can smile about the good times. You can think of him and finally think that word, “ex.”
When you wake up one morning, you’ll get into your phone and delete those text conversations. You’ll file away those old pictures. You’ll set the gifts he gave you aside, and you will put a real smile on your face. One that actually says, “Hey, look at me, I survived the breakup. I survived a broken heart. I am building myself up and moving on with my life.”
Your heart will always feel a bit broken. There’s going to be a sore spot when you hear his name. But, you’ll learn to live with it.
You’ll think about love in the future and be scared. You’ll have reservations. You’ll have times where you say you don’t ever want to experience it again. But, now you’ll be more cautious. If there’s one thing we learn from heartbreaks – it hurts. it hurts so much.. but, we learn from it.
So, yes, this is how your heart will break. This is also how you’ll learn to live with it, and how you’ll learn to love again.