After us, I regained my freedom. I started to go out a lot again with my friends and stayed late, guilt – free. I didn’t miss your constant phone calls and messages. I didn’t miss your voice. I didn’t miss your corny jokes. I didn’t miss you.
After us, I felt relieved because I no longer have to put up with you. I no longer have to tell you that your ideas and opinions don’t make sense to me. I no longer have to tell you to stop behaving the way you’ve always behaved. After us, I’ve stopped trying to change you.
After us, the world became exciting again. I met new people and new doors started to open. In between those moments, you’d cross my mind but I’d shrug the thought of you off because I thought I was doing just fine without you.
Until, I wasn’t.
After us, I became too free. I realized I never really lost that freedom because you never took it away. You never treated me as if I was one of your properties and you’ve always supported me on things that make me happy. You never tried to stop me from going out with my friends even though I knew how much you wanted to because that was your way of showing that you trust me.
But too much of anything is bad, and I was starting to have less of you.
I started to miss your barrage of annoyingly sweet messages. I started to miss you singing to me over the phone. I started to crave for your silly jokes. I started to miss you and ended up realizing that I shouldn’t have let you go.
After us, my world became dull and somehow, I always end up getting disappointed whenever I meet new people because they’re not you. I always look for you in people because to me, you are a thousand times worth than any of them combined.
Maybe my world fell apart because is it not in its designated solar system anymore and I have become this dysfunctional system – intoxicated, corrupted, and incapable.
But maybe not all dysfunctional systems are meant to be thrown away, maybe some of them only need to be fixed. But I can only speak for myself.
I don’t know what else is going to happen after us. The worst is yet to come but I want you to know one thing:
You were my system.