I Lost You, But She Is Better For You

Cayton Heath
Cayton Heath

I remembered randomly stalking your Facebook profile on a cold and lonely February night of 2014, imagining how it would be like to be your girlfriend. My life was such in bad place then and I was just starting to pick up the broken pieces of myself caused by a life-changing, traumatizing relationship.

Two months later, you said “Hi” on messenger. It made me ecstatic, I wanted to scream happily but I couldn’t because it was past midnight and my parents were already asleep. I knew it was the beginning of our beautiful story. I started to feel good at life again and I bid goodbye to my sad playlist I used to listen to every night before I sleep.

Weeks later, you told me you think you love me and just like that, my happy days were back.

You loved me purely and unconditionally. You listened to my stupid stories and laughed as if you were there. You listened to my problems and gave practical advice which I failed to appreciate. You were so patient with me. You loved me with all your heart and soul and I took you for granted.

I left you when you needed me the most because I was selfish and self-absorbed. I looked down on you and discouraged you from your passion because I thought you were being absurd and too dreamy.

I wanted more even though I already had everything. I was discontented not because of your lacking but because of my own.

I told myself I made the right decision of letting you go but time has shown me that I did not. For every failed relationship I had after you, I thought of you and how you would never try to hurt and break me like what the rest of your species did.

One year later, you found yourself a new lover and when I accidentally saw your happy photos together, it made me fully understand why you will never know what you have until its gone.

I lost you, the most amazing man I’ve known to a beautiful woman who understands him completely.

For what it’s worth, you deserve her. I’m glad you found someone who shares the same passion and interests with you. I’m glad you found someone who understands you in your weirdest, out of this world thoughts. I’m glad you found someone who loves you the way you should be loved, the way I should have.

I will always be missing you. I cannot promise not to wish you back in my life because it would be like wishing for your pain which you already had enough, but I will try. I will try if that’s the only way to pay for all the heartaches I’ve caused you.

I love you but it’s time to let go. For me and for you.

‘Til then, send my love to your new lover. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Her sins were scarlet but her books were read.

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