They say you fall in love three times throughout your lifetime. The last one is supposed to be the person you belong with—the one you marry and spend the rest of your years with. This person is also called the “love of your life.”
For many, this process isn’t as streamlined. People make mistakes, divorce happens, some have to move away for jobs. But what is consistent among it all is that no one truly gets over their greatest love. This person pervades our thoughts, haunts our happiness, will always carry a piece of our heart and is the standard for anyone else we decide to date.
In a recent interview with Meredith Vieira, Nick Cannon said it best when he spoke about his ex-wife, Mariah Carey. He didn’t hesitate to admit that Mariah will always be the love of his life and that nothing is going to ever change that. Even if there’s no hope for the two of them in the future, something will always be there. It’s unspoken, but it’s there.
Here are five reasons why you never truly get over the love of your life.
1. You fully emotionally invested in him.
It takes a lot of courage and trust to essentially place your heart into someone else’s hands. As humans, we have a natural tendency to distrust others, keep ourselves guarded and avoid any sort of heartbreak at all costs.
When we finally decide someone, or the love of our life, is qualified enough to truly have us 100 percent, it’s risky. We lose a large part of ourselves because we’ve decided to intertwine our soul with another. The worst part is, you never get that piece of yourself back.
2. He was part of your daily routine.
Everyone has a pretty specific daily routine they like to follow. Maybe you like to go to the gym and have coffee on the porch, or maybe you always start your day with a dosage of cartoons and a bowl of cereal. For those of us who find the love of our life, that person becomes a significant part of our daily routine.
Even the smallest, most insignificant activities like grocery shopping are suddenly the best moments of the day because you bring your person along. Just being around them throughout the day makes you happy, and eventually you find yourself wanting them to tag along for everything you do.
3. You felt things with him that no one else can make you feel.
Love can make people do and feel crazy things. When your connection with someone is that strong, you begin to lose sleep over the thought of them, whether that’s good or bad. You begin to think of doing cute gestures that you otherwise would’ve never thought of. When they upset you, you feel a pain deep in your abdomen that tugs at your heart and makes it seem like the world is ending.
Everything is so passionate and amplified that the happiness you experience because of them begins to seem like the greatest thing you’ve ever witnessed. Any and all things that this person makes you feel do not compare to anything you’ve felt with anybody else.
4. He’s the benchmark for anyone else you’re romantically interested in.
Whether you like it or not, we are comparative people. We love to say things like he’s faster, she’s stronger, he’s better at that sport, she’s prettier than the other girl, etc.
The same goes for relationships, where the love of your life becomes a standard of sorts in your dating world. With anyone you’re interested in, or even someone who simply wants to get to know you better, you’re going to unintentionally nitpick them based on your former lover. Looks, hobbies, taste in music, how they treat your friends—everything’s a contest in your mind.
5. You can’t forget the little details.
When you fall in love with someone, it’s like a puzzle. All of the little pieces of who that person is add up to this larger picture that you simply can’t help but get attached to.
You can’t forget the little things that make them who they are, like how they smell or the way they rub your head when you fall asleep. You can’t forget their weird faces and strange tendencies, the way they would smirk at you from across the room at a party and make you feel like you two were the only ones there. All of the little things add up into a bigger picture, and before you know it, they’re the love of your life.
It sucks to think someone is your soul mate only to find out it won’t work in the end. But life isn’t fair and everything does happen for a reason. Even if you find someone else and fall in love all over again, you will still compare them to that person, you’ll find yourself still thinking of them at night and you’ll still get that adrenaline rush when you see them. Nothing changes, but things get better.
You can find love again and try to move on, but unfortunately you’ll never truly get over the love of your life.