I Used To Think I Had To Change Myself To Make Someone Love Me, Not Anymore

Bianca des Jardins
Bianca des Jardins

One of the many reasons why I never entered into relationships that are deeper than genuine friendships is my mind. My mind that tells me to never trust a man whenever he compliments or felicitates me. I’ve made it a built-in program in my system not to believe someone who tells me that I am beautiful, or pretty, or kind, or nice, or anything positive. I never believed in myself to be someone good.

What I see is a wretched woman. Someone who doesn’t deserve admiration from anyone because I’m filled with faults and flaws. I always thought that those who see something good in me are saying such things because they’re good and not because I’m good. Once in my life, I wished I was someone else. Someone who has a perfect heart, mind, and body. Someone with a pleasing personality accompanied by a picturesque body and a brilliant mind. Someone who’s bold, great, free, and incredible, unlike me.

Then a cold 3 A.M woke me up and told me that I can be just be me- that’s simplicity. Simplicity is not about wearing simple clothes. It’s not about not putting on make-up. It’s not about letting go of my desires to fix myself the way I want it to be.

The wind told me that simplicity is simply being true to myself. It’s about showing the world who I am and letting them know that I’m simply “this.” I don’t have to add or subtract something from my wholeness just to have someone who will appreciate my simplicity.

I don’t have to feign that I have a sweet laugh when in fact, I really have a loud laugh. I don’t have to make myself look rich when I’m a daughter of a humble man who is working hard just so he can provide my needs. I don’t have to make others believe that I am intelligent when I am struggling every night in order to understand my lessons. I don’t have to be someone different from who I really am.

This is me and it’s simplicity. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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