Just A Reminder About Jill Abramson’s Weird Voice

Hey, there – I’m just checking in about Jill Abramson’s weird-ass voice. Have you heard it? She sounds like nails on a chalkboard if Nails On A Chalkboard had a vascular system and could talk about Benghazi. Here’s footage of her brutally ripping apart the ears of Ken Auletta (media critic for The New Yorker) for eighty minutes and forty-two seconds:

Hear how her vowels sound like skid marks? How she rides a schwa for several seconds at the end of a sentence, her voice a sea of nasality and patronage? I mean. If she were your boss and started talking to you like that, would you…at LEAST mock her, the tiniest bit?!?

I’m not the only one who thinks this. Indeed, Jill Abramson’s Voice has been the subject of mass hysteria since her appointment as the New York Times’ executive editor. I think the newsroom has probably invented an entire genre of drinking games that involve something like “FOR HOW MANY GEOLOGICAL EPOCHS CAN YOU KEEP A VOWEL GOING IN THE SPACE BETWEEN TWO CLAUSES?”

And now that she’s been so humiliatingly, unduly, and brusquely fired, the news cycle seems to be overlooking her alien-but-also-landed-gentry-with-an-inbred-speech-impediment voice.

So I’m just checking in about it.