This Married Couple Engaged In A Threesome A Couple Of Years Ago, But Now Their Friend Won’t Stop Talking About It

Shutterstock / Alexander Lukatskiy
Shutterstock / Alexander Lukatskiy

It’s tough living out your sexual fantasies — because you might get judged for it, or you feel terribly embarrassed about it. There are some couples that have come to terms with their fantasies and actively work to fulfill each of their own — with full transparency. This is that couple.

They were married in April, learned to communicate with each other (this is important in general!) and sexually experimented often. But they brought in a friend (who seems toxic and was already interested in the husband), which seems to have shifted the friendship. Check it out in the original thread on Reddit, or check it out here:

My husband and I have not been married long. We just got married in April, but I’ve been with him for five-and-a-half years. Our relationship was not always the healthiest. We have grown together and continue to do so by learning and communicating. We have a point in our relationship that we call the dark days, and it consisted of a lot of sexually experimentation on our behalf. He’s always been my comfort in that sense. Long story short. Long time friend he was my first and I was his. He’s a handsy drunk. It’s not just with women either, and it’s not always grabbing. Sometimes it’s just poking or pats on the shoulder or back, and he only gets like that with other people when I tell him I need some personal space.

My husband (I will call him Eric) however is not the problem. I have a friend whom we’ll call Lisa we have been friends for about four years. Lisa has not always been the best friend or the best influence in my life, but we’ve always just gotten along well and had fun together. A friend I prefer to say I keep a bit of distance from in a lot of ways. Lisa is promiscuous…one of the reasons we got along so well when our friendship started. And it never was a problem. Until now.

A few years ago during the dark days. My husband and I decided to start living out our fantasies. We started to involve people in the bedroom. It went fine. He picked the guy he was comfortable with, and I reached out to a few of my friends whom I knew he was attracted to. After being shot down by them we decided to reach out to Lisa. Lisa kindly declined the offer.

A year goes by and Lisa tells me she’s thought about what we approached her with. She thinks she’s ready to be in a relationship with Eric and I. I told her that was not what we approached her for. I discussed with her the terms of Eric and I bedroom and what we are comfortable and uncomfortable with. She shut down the conversation and wanted no part of it.

A few months later, we are celebrating my birthday. We are drinking: it’s Lisa, Eric, and I with another one of our mutual friends. Eric approaches me and says he thinks Lisa has interest and is going to engage the situation. I tell him okay. Anyway, they wind up doing the deed. After the whole thing, Eric comes looking for me cause he just wants to be near me. Lisa is then miserably tired and goes to bed all pouty because Eric was so concerned about me after them doing the deed. After that night I don’t see Lisa for about eight months and she barely talks to me.

Lisa decides she wants to come by and hang out one night. We all have some apple pie. Watch the Lorax. And a few drinks. We all climb into bed. Anyway. One thing leads to another.

Now Lisa has tried to say that my husband makes her uncomfortable, and that he took advantage of her. The first time they had sex she approached me about Eric trying to engage her interest, and I told her to do what she was comfortable with and I told her if she was uncomfortable approaching him about it. Tell me and I will fix the issue. She said it was fine. The threesome we had all involved two beers, so it wasn’t very much. She’s continually brought up the conversation. It’s uncomfortable.

And now it’s more uncomfortable because this past February we were out drinking and she admitted the only reason we had a threesome was because she was interested in Eric, and she engaged it… after she told me he was the one who started it. Which I had known. Eric and I knew the biggest hurdle when we involved people on our bedroom was that we had to be entirely transparent with each other because it can destroy relationships.

But the fact that everytime I see her she brings up how handsy my husband is it really bothers me. He hasn’t been like that to her in at least three years. Last week I saw her and she brought up that my husband gets handsy when he gets drunk. And I told her that I ended that because it seemed like it bothered her. She replied it was fine she just chalks it up to he’s had it before that’s why. I corrected her and stated that he’s like that when he drinks cause he wants attention. She responded with ok. Whatever.

I talked to my husband on the matter cause it’s really bothering me. Lisa is a competitive person. All of her stories with guys start with them engaging her and her just going along with it. She makes it seem like she has no interest in these men she does the deed with, and they “take advantage” of her in a drunken state. I’m trying to maintain my friendship with her, but it seems like anyway I’ve tried to discuss this conversation with her she wants to just hear herself talk. I’ve tried ignoring her when she brings the conversation up, and she keeps needling. I’ve tried correcting her on facts, and she shuts down the conversation. It’s to the point where my husband has not been around Lisa in over a year, but she always brings this subject up out of left field.

My husband says I need to just cut ties with her because of how much her bringing this up all the time upsets me. Another friend suggested that just not allowing Lisa to interact with Eric should be enough to make her stop the conversation… it’s been 3 years and she’s still bringing it up. I enjoy my time spent with her, but I feel like allowing her in my bedroom has made any boundaries I set with her seem like a joke.

My goodness. What would you guys do? I’d cut off all ties with “Lisa” or at the very least, minimize my contact with her IRL. TC mark

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