A woman writes on Reddit, wondering if her husband is making her “crazy” or if she’s “spoiled.”
She says she makes around $40,000 a year — a respectable amount. She doesn’t reveal what she does, but she also does part-time work that adds $3,000 a year to her income. Her husband, meanwhile, makes around $140,000 in sales. They both share a joint account, which is used to pay bills.
The problem here is that because he makes more than her, he hangs it over her head constantly, even dictating how many times she should take a shower because of the water bills, but he can afford a $20,000 motorcycle? “He thinks of my money as ours and his money as his,” she writes.
Dear readers, what should she do?
Here is the story in full:
My husband makes approx 140k a year in sales, works from home and does approx 15-20 hours of work in a busy week. I make 40k a year, commute 3 hours per day and work 40 hrs a week. I do some part-time work as well that supplements my income, maybe 3k a year.
Anyways, we have a joint account to pay bills and mortgage and personal checking accounts. I contribute just a hair shy of half of the monthly expenses. I spend approx $600 per month getting to and from work, so I am usually a little in the red each month. Last night we went to a warehouse sale. I had sold some belongings online and was using my funds to treat myself. My husband was in the area looking at a new motorcycle to purchase. He bought one earlier in the year for 20k and now wants a track bike for 5k. I am always encouraging of his hobbies so I’m excited as he tells me about his new bike.
When I start asking him about other costs he turns the conversation to our joint account and says “I notice you’ve been neglecting it, it’s in the negatives.” I calmly explained that I need to make partial payments over the course of the month and unfortunately my pay schedule falls just behind the mortgage schedule. I rely on him to make up the difference. He’s like “oh well it never used to happen” I then explained that I had put a large lump sum in a few months earlier from my inheritance and explained that it had run out now (my husband used it to pay off his personal taxes).
I’m just really frustrated because I work so hard and he always wants me to make more money. I love my job and my career and I’m happy. I feel like it’s never enough. Whenever I talk about work he always asks when I’m getting a raise. When I shop for jobs the first thing he wants to know when I get an offer is how much I’ll get paid.
When I have a bit of extra money, I’m afraid to tell him because he thinks of my money as ours and his money as his.
He gets to dictate vacations and going out because he pays for it, I simply cannot afford it. It’s really difficult for me, he makes jokes like he’s my sugar daddy, but I pay for my share and my own personal needs. It really hurts my feelings.
I’ve explained this to him but it doesn’t seem to work. He buys motorcycles and then tells me not to have two showers a day because of the water bill. Or I should sell my car (I paid for) because it’s worse on gas than his, and we’ll use the money to buy him a new one and I’ll get his old one.
Am I a crazy spoiled woman? Or is he making me crazy?
What do you think?