I want you to be able to pick up your phone and call me whenever you please, even if it ends at me telling you I can’t talk. I want you to be comfortable with texting me at any hour of the day, and be comfortable in the knowledge that I’ll reply, as soon as I can. I want you to send me music you think is good (and I probably hate) and have faith that I’ll listen to it irrespective of my complete dislike for your taste.
I want you to know that I’ll put on a brave smile and take another bite of what you order when we go out, just because you like it. I want you to know that I’d drink vodka for you, even though I’m a whiskey and rum girl, just because you want to do shots and get sloshed (something I’m inherently against.)
I want to be your first preference. The first person you think of when you have news, good or bad, to share. The first person you text on a late, sleepless night. The last person you say goodnight to. Hell, I don’t want our conversations to have an end. I don’t want something as mundane as conditioning to force us to use bland platitudes like ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ when we could just have a long, never ending conversation.
I want you to know that you can be utterly selfish around me. You can rant on and on about your problems, and I’ll be there to nod sympathetically and call your boss/colleague/boyfriend/girlfriend the choicest swears even if, in reality, I’m disinterested. You should be able to be talk endlessly about what fascinates you, even if it doesn’t engross me.
Whatever it is, and however embarrassed you are of it. I want to know. I want to know all of you. Your quirks, your sadnesses, your triggers, your Subway sandwich order. I want to know of how wonderfully awkward your first kiss was, and of how you didn’t know how to react when a guy hit on you. I demand all of you. I don’t necessarily need any of what you are. But I want it because I want to invest in the person you are, and make you my person.
In return, all I want from you is to want all that from me. We should be able to consider each other as existing blessings which don’t waver. Of course, that doesn’t mean our bond won’t require nurturing. It will, maybe more than other bonds that we’ve created. But it shouldn’t be a chore. It shouldn’t be a ‘work’. Every day should be another success. Fights, doubts, anger. They’ll exist. But so should — and hopefully, will — unwavering faith in the mutual understanding of the fact that the other person won’t leave. At least not now.
I know it’s a lot to ask for. And that it’s going to be a lot to give. But that’s what the point is. I’ve had too many one side relationships and I’ve seen too many of my investments fail to give any returns. It’s selfish. But I want to have some security with you. I want to take you for granted. And I want you to do that too.