Game Shows I Wish Existed

Wheel of Existentialism

In this adapted version of Wheel of Fortune, the host (Franz Kafka) asks the three contestants how much money they’d like to walk away with at the end of the game. After completing the first two rounds, Kafka will take the contestants aside to play the “Hubris Round,” in which they will be asked questions like, “How confident are you that you will win this game?” and, depending on their responses and how confident they are, two of them will be drowned/ shot/ eaten. The winner goes home with the money, and his life.

Pyramid

New World Order conspiracy theorists compete to see who among them is the most mentally unstable/ lives in their mom’s basement “most intensely.”

Is It Organic?

This show would air on the Food Network or that one Food Network spinoff channel that tries to appeal to young people. Typical contestants would be vegans, foodies, “progressive soccer moms” who put organic apple juice in their kid’s lunches, the children of the “progressive soccer moms” (probably named Ethan), and also homeless people. The contestants would have to discern whether or not the food presented to them is organic or not, bonus points if they can determine what level of organic certification the food has.

Hotspot Hunter

This thirty-minute show would air either before or after Jeopardy. It would consist of 2-5 contestants running around an urban area with laptops in search of working and unprotected WiFi hotspots. The show’s host will be a Scandinavian bro named Sven.

Televised Monopoly

Great Monopoly players join together to play a televised version of this classic board game (occasionally featuring celebrities or prolific bankers). It would basically just be regular Monopoly, except played in a darkened Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?-esque chamber and scored to dramatic music.

So You Think You Can Refinance

The contestants on this show are couples who need to escape from under their adjustable-rate mortgages for something more secure that won’t lead them into foreclosure. While the contestants will change from episode to episode, the show will have two permanent fixtures playing the show’s villains, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. The contestants will rarely win, and most of the episodes will end in a segment endearingly referred to by Freddie and Fannie as “Economic Collapse!”

Let’s Make a Deal

A lot like the original Let’s Make a Deal, except that contestants will compete to win illicit drugs instead of money. People will still dress up in crazy costumes, except this time it’s because they’re all high.

El Precio Es Correcto

Spanish version of The Price is Right. This is probably already a thing. TC mark

image – Daniel Oines

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  • http://twitter.com/Liberian__Girl Leah Cox

    Could definitely get behind televised Monopoly.

  • guest

    Cheech and Chong did a sketch called “Let’s Make A Dope Deal” which was exactly like your second last proposed game show. The contestant tried to win several pounds of Lebanese blonde hash. He eventually picked a door that had a narc behind it and got busted.

  • Tamima Khondaker

    Hotspot Hunter hahaha cracked me up! it would make a funny show :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Timberman/922794 Steven Timberman

    Televised monopoly reminded me of the old NHL2K video games that had “dynamic orchestral” soundtracks. Big blaring trumpets and roaring drums react to your ingame actions. Especially hilarious when you’re in a 3-1 slog in the middle of the 2nd period in an exhibition match and the soundtrack is so bombastic that even the guys who did Braveheart are like “Dude, dial it down a bit.” 

    Needless to say, it was the greatest damn feature ever.

  • Lily

    i feel like my life is one big episode of Is It Organic?

  • Alicia

    Peruse “In Der Strafkolonie” for further inspiration for your “Wheel of Existentialism.” Your forth round will involve a secret message. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/bruceincolorado Bruce MacIntosh

    Wheel of Existentialism will get canceled the day Sartre, Camus and Schopenhauer are guest contestants and all walk off the set, because it *just doesn’t matter*.  (There, I finally got to use my Philosophy Minor.  Thank you!)

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