An episode of language which accompanies any amorous gift, whether real or projected; and, more generally, every gesture, whether actual or interior, by which the subject dedicates something to the loved being”.
—Roland Barthes’ A Lovers Discourse: Fragments
Keep this in mind: If you are a writer and you want to be in a relationship with another writer, be aware that it is going to be a collision of two stars; a clash of two realities. Through writing, much of the day’s scenario are relived through MS word, blog sites or simply in the pages of her notebook. It is her way of taking photographs but in a form of words. You might see her rant in Twitter and buoyed up with metaphors while talking about how men just come and go.
Here is a keyword: Imagination. All her fantasies separate her from an ordinary woman—of how her mind puts the whirlwind of her thoughts in order, then scatter it again. Detachment from reality is also a strong factor that made her intriguing. She is stuck to the concept of an ideal man. Her walls are way higher and stronger than the Great Wall of China. It will not be easy breaching through her walls. She will be fond new ideas while having a coffee under the stars. Or simply staring blankly at her room’s walls with her favorite band/s playing her the music that allows her to reflect on her emotions.
Most likely, she is well-read and definitely not the typical woman you meet at parties or at gym. No two are the same but there is a common ground—the way they show you their vision of life and how are they dealing with all its burden.
Sometimes, you will see her very upbeat but later on she will admit that it is actually a projection in order to conceal the sorrow she is experiencing for days. You might also notice the smudged ink on her hands. She will also share to you that she uses a certain color of ink while writing. Almost everything they do is symbolic: from the way they dress to the way they say goodbye.
It takes guts to continue taking a step further in her world. She might share you her series of heartaches and how did she became a hopeless romantic. You will realize that she has trust issues. You will hear her deny the word “Love” but at the end of the day, she will keep on looking for it. Feel the tears that used to cascade on her face many a night ago. Understand that her heart is an iceberg floating on her ocean’s salt without light.
Do not let your mind whisper you this: “If we break up or if we part ways, I fear that I might be another story from her next suitor.” If that is the case, then she is not for you. She did not choose the writing life for no reason. Remember this, she does not want to be invited in your pity-parties. It is about helping each other face the obstacles and she will choose someone who is strong and courageous.
Nonetheless, to be with her is to recognize the extremes she is capable of putting you through—from her cozy home she calls heaven, where she will cook you a full course meal of serenity on a porcelain platter, between the wooden fork and spoon, along with the bread and butter. She will also serve you a mug of tenderness that scents the scheme of dawn, and she is capable of bringing you down to the unforgiving depths of hell where you are bound to suffer her fury by killing you first, then resurrecting you just be killed in her story. She is that vengeful!
Reflect and contemplate. First things first, assess yourself. Having an open mind and a will-of-steel is a must. You as a man capable of exhibiting the pigments of the days of your life, it is time for you to get out of your gallery and see her vision of the same, physical world the two of you are standing onto. Enter her world and she will enter yours.
Let her see how vast the world is and there are a lot of things to see when she is with you. Make her forget that her world is isolated within the walls of her room. Keep it tender. Be motivated on your own writings when you are with her. Let her know that you appreciate her even if she does small things to you. This is one way of proving yourself worthy to her.
A little discourse about life for a conversation works as long as it comes naturally at the same time. Do not force yourself giving topics that you do not actually know that much for the sake of saving the interaction. She will see you as one hell of a pretentious, immature kid. A small debate is fun too, as long as it is not disrespectful to her for having such an opinion. Realize too that she is not much of a person who uses her cellphone. When she is with her friends, get to know them but do not be a show-off or a braggadocio. If she does not want to talk, give her the time and space she needs. Remember, you are just a part of her world—not her world’s totality.
Make a move. You have to be gentle and be happy about life. As much as possible, take things slowly. Do not be intimidated for she might feel uncomfortable to you, making it difficult for her to open up. If you are going to take an action, associate it with words. She may not take that one small act of kindness of yours as a sign. Justify it. In the context of poetry, it is called risking the line wherein you give concrete details and clues to your hidden message. Actions are not enough without words. She will enjoy seeing and hearing from you if you execute it properly.
A test of patience. She might show disinterest and leave you hanging. Everyone has its flaws that need to be understood. It will take so much hardwork and dedication to win over this woman. She is one tough shell to crack. This will be a constant battle that involves sacrifice and blood. You will convince yourself to give up but the only thing that you should regret is when you let yourself get carried away.
Expect her to be unpredictable. The hints she give to you are not absolute. She garlands herself with her own erasures and frustrations. She can be quite a perfectionist. She might push you away with her own reasons but do not see it as a dead end. You might see her one day with a hangover because she is trying to finish a short-story last night and all of a sudden clams up because she is still thinking of a good scene. That is why the way of her thinking is similar to the waxing and waning phases of the moon. Just relax and let her feel that she is not alone.
Give her something. While dating her, here is a tip: flowers will actually get you somewhere to her—where she will just shed a smile while crossing her arms and looking at you with a raised eyebrow and a response “How sweet of you”. Of course, read between her gestures!
To keep her delighted, presents that defy the convention will do. I suggest take advantage of your right brain. Be as creative (artsy-fartsy, as they always say) as you are in your writing. Spend a night or three conceptualizing a gift. A poem on a DiY chapbook will do. If you want to be classic, write a sonnet, a villanelle, a haiku or even a sestina for the sake of taking the interaction to a spontaneous level.
Do not stick to gifts that are instantly cashed-out. It is up to you if you will hold on to the clichés but let me just say that you are like a horse chasing a radish tied on a stick placed on its head. She values all the small things in life, though she may not express it boldly.
Read each other’s works. One way of knowing her beyond the physical interaction is through her works. Pay attention to her voice in every word you read. There will always be something presented in her works that she does not usually show. But I will tell you that it is just the tip of the iceberg. Also, ask for her favorite author and let her share how is she influenced by its works.
Keep yourself in good terms. You can tease her just to show how be playful you can be. Just do not overdo it or it will become foul. As much as possible, avoid being too touchy and do not ever attempt to steal a kiss. Small gestures will do.
What I am trying to say here is show her some respect as a woman, not just some freedom loving being who you think that should adjust on your needs (though stealing a kiss is quite sweet).
Resist yourself from being an “Eager Mcbeaver” during the first date. Chances are, you are going to be swallowed deep inside the quicksand of awkwardness. Make her mad and she will turn the glimpse of hell into an eternal vision. It is okay to be comfortable with her. Too much of it will make her comfortable in kicking you out of her life.
Know that she has no margin for errors.
Lastly, good luck on your date with her. All the hardwork will soon pay off. Saying how amazing she is not enough. Stand by her side. Be as consistent as you can be and she will return the favor. Do not even dare hurting her. Remember, show her how much you want her in your life—do not just tell her or say it. She will never ever let you walk away.
If you are dedicated to your works, then you can be as dedicated here in entering a relationship with this kind of woman. Do not fall too much and you will find yourself helpless. Do not expect her to reciprocate all your actions. There is no harm in being selfless. She will love you when you least expect it. All you have to do is to respect her solitude as much as you want yours to be respected by anyone else.
Just do not give up on her. It is a commitment that you should never soil. You may not be the ideal man she is looking for but show her how much of a man you are that she needs—someone who will watch the stars with her while drinking a warm coffee.