I was a bad mom today.
The kids cried too much. I yelled too much. They ate too many crackers and I drank too many cans of pop. No one ate any vegetables. I was impatient. I had little sympathy. I didn’t acknowledge my kids when they spoke to me. I told them to be quiet too many times. I was not a fun participant in their day. I was bossy and not mentally invested. I acted as if my kids were inconvenient. I said no when it was unnecessary and didn’t really MEAN it, I just said no because I thought it was easier.
I wasn’t my best. Not. Even. Close.
Then, at bedtime, as I was beginning to beat myself up over the type of mother I’d been, my girls gave me some magic. Just like every other night, the girls each told me they love me. They gave me a wet kiss, a tight hug, A told me she’d dream about me. L asked me to rub her back and lay my head on her chest. D snuggled into me the same way she always does.
They didn’t love me any less. *Sigh of relief, gratitude, appreciation*
So, this I know: Tomorrow will be better. It always is. Though I do believe that most bad days are constructed by our own minds, I know that sometimes a bad day is what can really make us stand back, take it all in, and truly and fully appreciate all the good days we have. I can look back and know that I have made it through many days successfully, and can do it again. I can provide a loving and memorable day for the girls because I’ve done it before.
We all have bad days…even GREAT moms, and that’s okay. Mommin’ ain’t easy. So just know, bedtime ALWAYS comes, your babies ALWAYS love you, and tomorrow belongs to YOU, and you always know how to make it better, Mama! You’re an amazing mother, doing a phenomenal job.
A loving note to my readers: It’s normal to have hard days, but if you’re ever feeling unlike yourself, aren’t enjoying things as you once did, feel anxious constantly or have intrusive thoughts…if you find you have more bad/hard days than good, please speak up and find a way to care for yourself. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and mental health is a topic not discussed enough (even though it’s so common). It’s not shameful to need a little help to normalize after hormones have taken over your body in a million different ways and a new human has turned your life right-side up. And always know, I’m with you and here as a listening ear if you ever need me.