How To Lose (And Find) Yourself

image - Flickr / Franca Gimenez
image – Flickr / Franca Gimenez

You wake up each morning and you can’t help but feel sad. Although the morning light reaches in through your window and pulls at your comforter, you just want to stay in bed. You think about the day ahead of you and you find yourself already overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with your job, with your to-do lists, with the expectations and with the world. It’s all too much.

You are constantly lost in thought. You find yourself preoccupied with worry about events that have yet to come and overcome with regret from the things that have already come to pass. You are exhausted, you are fearful, and you are disheartened; this is not what you imagined your life would be like. The sadness and disillusionment you feel slows you down until eventually you stop, resisting all change and growth. You stay inside on a Friday night comforted by the glowing light of your television. It is so easy to seek refuge in life’s certainties, and here you are safe. You are a parked car on the interstate, everyone is moving forward yet you remain stagnant. Parked cars don’t get in car accidents, right?

Time passes. You only know this because it was warm and the air was humid, but now the leaves have fallen off the trees and your bones are growing colder with the passing of each day. The weight is becoming too much to bear and you’re growing tired. You stop believing that you’re good enough. You stop wanting more out of your life. You stop chasing your dreams. You stop dead in your tracks. You have completely lost sight of the goodness that once lived inside of you.

But you have forgotten the most integral part of this story. You have forgotten your heart. Through all the hardship and heartbreaks and sadness, your heart has continued to beat. You have tried to ignore it, but the fire rages on while you continue to dismiss your own innate beauty. This inner light tugs at your shirtsleeves like a persistent child only asking to be noticed. Too often you brush the brightness away overlooking what is right in front of your eyes. But here you are. You are alive and the universe is calling your name, begging you to come out and play.

Wake up. Go outside. Smell the morning dew and the evergreen trees and look at the snow that somehow fell onto the ground while you were sleeping. Feel the freezing air on your skin and remember what it feels like to be alive. Wait for a stranger to pass by and smile as you look into their eyes. Connect with anything; your mom, your dog, an old friend, a book, a piece of writing that you have been working on. Find something that reminds you why there is blood coursing through your veins.

Your life is here and now, and each day that passes brings you closer to the end. When you find yourself lost in the dark don’t give up; light a candle and have faith that you will find your way back. TC mark

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