I want to call you and hear your voice.
I watch you Instagram stories trying to get a glimpse of what’s happening in your life.
I want to see how your family is doing-your friends. I really miss them.
I want to have one more bike ride on the beach.
One more morning cooking breakfast together.
One more kiss that makes my knees go weak.
One more lazy Sunday in bed, watching Friends, wrapped up in each other’s bodies
One more road trip singing country music at the top of our lungs.
I want that, but not enough to deal with
the screaming matches almost every Friday night that left me in hot, angry tears
the passive aggressive behavior when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
the way you told me to ‘grow up’ when I didn’t do exactly what you wanted
the way you told me that my dreams were unrealistic
when you didn’t support my dreams, the one thing that I really wanted
when you took out your pain on me—about your family, school, and friends
and how I just took it.
I miss you and I love you.
But now I also love myself.
I hope you’re happy and I hope you have found an outlet for that anger.
I hope you find a new girl that can help you with life.
I hope she fills you with happiness and joy.
I hope you can talk with her about everything that goes on in your life, no matter how heavy the topic.
I am sorry I couldn’t be that person.
But I’m also sorry that you couldn’t be that person for me.
So yes, I miss you and I love you.
Now I also love myself.
I hope you have learned to love yourself too.