I Hope You Miss Me

I hope you admit that you made a mistake, that this isn’t right.

I hope one morning you wake up and you ache from my absence. You will wake up and without thinking, you will reach for me like I did all those times. But I won’t be there. You’re grabbing at the empty air.

I hope you wish for me to appear.

I hope you are in your car alone one day and that one of my favorite songs comes on the radio. You will wish I were in the passenger seat, reaching to turn up the volume and sing along.

I hope you have to fight every muscle in your body as they scream at you to pick up the phone and call me. Maybe you’ll succeed at fighting back. Or, maybe, you’ll fail. Like I did.

I hope you lie in bed trying to sleep, and in the silence all you hear is the sound of the fan buzzing. You’ll hear the fan and then you’ll see me, remembering how I felt about noisy fans. You will see my face, you’ll see my lips moving, you’ll see my eyes glittering with passion.

And you will wish you hadn’t let me go.

I hope you know that I wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t perfect, but neither were you. All I wanted to do was love you and have you love me too. But, in the end, I had to fight too hard to get you to love me back.

I hope you are content with your choices. I didn’t choose to walk away, but I couldn’t make you love me.

You chose this for me, but if silence makes you happy, then I’ll put oceans between us.

I hope, somewhere deep down inside of you, you recognize that you didn’t treat me right and I deserve so much better. I deserve someone who appreciates me the way you couldn’t.

I hope you know that you broke me but that I stood strong anyway – because the wind that used to blow us together wasn’t going to blow me down now.

I hope you realize that something in you changed and that is why that wind couldn’t carry us further. Like wind blowing leaves in the same direction, something carried us together, but somewhere along the way, you lost all awareness of how we fit together in this hurricane of a world.

Most of all, I hope you miss me.
Even though I know that you won’t.