A Letter To Myself For Next Time I Start Falling In Love

Next time I start to fall in love, I will remind myself of the last time.

Remember how you loved him with such innocence, never having experienced the dark hole of a broken heart. Remember how you planned out the future.

Remember how hard it was to balance school, work, friends, and him. And how afterwards you realized that it shouldn’t be that hard.

Remember what it’s like to worry about someone else and how freeing it is to live your life once he’s gone.

Remember how many times you decided to forgo buying yourself that necklace you’ve been eyeing in order to buy him that cologne he wanted.

Remember his hand behind the small of your back, barely touching you, the first time you went to a concert. Remember how he never did that again.

Remember your panic attack at 2:00am in his bedroom when he told you that you had nothing to worry about because he had met the girl of his dreams that night at your party. And remember what else he told you a little over a year later that changed everything.

Remember getting that big teddy bear for your first Valentine’s Day and giving it away a year and a half later to a little girl who hoisted the bear over her shoulder and hustled to the car with excitement to show her mom.

Remember wondering how much he was willing to put up with and how you never considered how much you were willing to put up with.

Remember all the promises he made as the sun shined on his face and how he broke them by the light of the moon.

Remember the “I can’t do this anymore.” Remember the “My feelings just aren’t the same.” Remember the “I don’t see a future with us anymore.”

Remember your back tensing up every time someone – your mom, your granddad, your sister – came near you for a hug or a kiss after you broke up. They weren’t him and you didn’t want anyone’s touch but his.

Remember how it didn’t end there.

Remember how you lost you were when he left because he wasn’t by your side. You saw a future with only him and suddenly your future was empty.

Remember how you cried for hours the day you found out he was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t you. It was a day that came way too soon. Remember how it hurts to be replaced.

Remember he was your first love and your first heartbreak. He always will be.

Remember this and more. Remember not to settle for less than you deserve. Remember to be careful the next time you give your heart to someone. Remember that you have to be there for yourself. Remember that you are the only person promised to be in your future.

Remember the future is yours.