A high-value woman is what 2018 women see as the holy grail of femininity. When we have a clear objective on what is wanted we can no longer be dejected. The non-negotiables, a man must exhibit, for a high-value woman to stay resolves the weeding process into control without regretting connection. A high-value woman knows the capable art of, “No.” She keeps men in their primal frame of reference instead of pathology.
This term is saluted as the guidepost to find and keep a man worth keeping. It assumes the position of expert instead of empath. However, what happens to the women who undergo the art of, “Yes”?
I am them.
There are wounds that never show on the body. They come from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, poor self-esteem encouraged by propaganda, and emotional pain no script can rationalize. When pressed, these wounds feel like pliers peeling back sheets of raw skin. It hurts. To love again hurts.
We create onerous tests of trustworthiness as a metric system for real or imagined abandonment. While a high-value woman can sit back in observation, we observe for preservation. Our worst enemy is the memory of those who left us in our moments of confusion. A high-value woman knows to honor instincts for red flags, but how can we instinctively decipher red flags when they are home?
While a high-value woman will heal everything to know the difference, I won’t. While her version of power is saying, “No,” my variant is to stay until I am ready to go, and not a moment sooner. Does that make me low value?
Then with that, what the world will not tell us low-value women is what I may: things are bad, they may get worse. Don’t crucify yourself with names, or give weight to the ones others speak; give grace to mourn over what has been taken, or stolen, or ignored as you show up again and again to learn love. Don’t tell yourself you are anything less than a miracle because love has been characterized by disappointment, heartbreak, and betrayal. My dear, how I want to cradle your pain, they call walking baggage, to whisper of all the ways your bones bend into beautiful. My darling, you are courageous enough to show up when nothing is certain to promise, “Yes.” Others will leave you, many will hurt you, but to stand in love in-spite of validation, truly you are the one that changes hearts.
High-value women are the prize because men must win them, so let them take trophies. High-value women hold men to high standards, because they hold themselves against perfection, so let them dance with a King. Let them be the heroes in their own stories. Darling, that person is not you nor me. We crave something deeper than heroism.
By staying when there are no guarantees you will be lonely, this I promise. But faith, written beliefs, courage, none of these intrinsic nuances will be enough to make you walk away from another who doesn’t know how to give or receive love. Because, my dear, you can see past the rejection and straight into their fear where they choose to reject to stay safe.
Friends call me a doormat for staying too long. Family members question my cognitive reasoning for remaining loyal to the loyal-less. Mentors question my self-worth because I see worth in an unbearable spirit. Yet, there is something so powerful in not giving up on someone who has given up on me. Then call me a low-value woman, who instead of saying, “No,” to another’s rejection finds the hurt that birthed it to speak into it, I still want you.
The truth is, the raw-hard truth, whether we are deemed or deem ourselves as high value or low value, it doesn’t matter. We must do what is right by being authentically ourselves while remaining vulnerable to stand alone in those truths. To sort one another into an algorithm for what makes a woman valuable means we devalue the humanity in humans. Show up to each connection where you are, exactly as you are. You may not walk away with a best friend or husband, but you will touch souls the way clouds stroke mountains.