Step 1. You need to love yourself.
I realize how incredibly cheesy this may sound, but it is absolutely true. Once you start seeing yourself for who you are, fixing the not so great parts and dwelling on the wonderful parts, you will be ready to have someone in your life. When you dwell on the negative, ex. “I’m too fat, I don’t deserve anyone,” “I’m not pretty enough,” “Nobody wants to be with me anyway,” nothing good will come of this type of thinking. Figure out all the cool, loveable parts of who you are and someone will notice. Do what you enjoy and get out there. YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT!
Step 2. Set standards and don’t settle.
You aren’t with the person you should be with because you are settling for every Bob, Sue, Jack, Lisa who struts along your path. These are not the people you even want to be with, you just don’t want to be alone and if that’s the case, you are not being fair to that person either because you are not the person they should be with!
Also, stop dating the jerk, inconsiderate, whiny, selfish, scumbag you are with now or about to get with because they “seem nice enough” or they are “super hot.” You are not going to be happy with someone who is going to hurt, lie, blame, and under appreciate you. They honestly don’t care about you and you may be in denial about that but hey, ask them. Say, “Why do you want to be with me?” If they give you some lame answer or it sounds like it was a pre-recorded statement they’ve been rehearsing on others, get your butt out of that. You are wasting your energy and time and they are not even worth it.
The person, who truly wants to be with you, won’t even make you feel like you should ask.
Step 3. Don’t be afraid.
Fear will paralyze even the bravest when it is something as important as love. You may not find the perfect someone on your first, second or even third attempt at a successful relationship, but every day that you better yourself and you are not afraid to keep going, you are that much closer to the person you should be with.
I understand it is scary. I personally probably know better than most because of the atrocious men I have hesitantly went out with. (Example: An ex-boyfriend of mine called me one day, panicking, asking where to put a stamp on an envelope, A STAMP. Another ex-boyfriend I caught sniffing his roommate’s underwear.) It has taken me down many different roads and I have been scared, nay, HORRIFIED but I never let it stop me. Once, when I thought I was close, the person I thought I should have been with actually turned out to be the complete last person on the whole entire planet earth I should have been with. It was one of the hardest days of my life when I figured it out but I still made it. It taught me and helps me truly appreciate the wonderful and loving man I am with now and will be marrying less than a year from now.
Step 4. Be free.
Being free means a lot to different people but here is what it meant for me. If you are spending a lot of your time caring about what other people think, you might as well be trying to count grains of sand on a beach. Freedom is something you have to do for yourself. If every day you feel like you need to put a pound of makeup on to cover your face or as a guy you are worrying about that receding hair line and developing beer belly, you aren’t worrying correctly.
Worry about all the great moments of life you are missing. Do something new, plan a trip with your friends, give a fun party, make a new work-out routine to help build motivation and keep you healthy, find out something adventurous and for goodness sake, let go a little. If there is one quality that is universally attractive, it is someone that is happy. Unhappy people attract other unhappy people and they think that the other person will fix their unhappiness but in reality it is a catastrophe because if they can’t even make themselves happy, how will they make another person who is depending on them happy?
Be free. Let your hair down, kick your feet up, and have a laugh because you are the freest you have ever been. Crank up some tunes while you’re at it.
So, what are you going to do?
In summation, you are going to love yourself completely, embracing the true you. You are not going to keep settling for people you had red flags with but kept going after anyway because you never set standards for yourself. No longer do you fear the unknown aspects of being single because even though you’ve gone through pain and had your heart broken, in your misery you picked yourself up and you said, “I am worth loving.” Finally, you are going to be free. Define freedom for yourself, figure out what being free means to you.
Anybody who is worth your time will see your inherent value. You are an ideal significant other because you have mastered all the steps!
It may take some time but at least you are willing to try. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is the version of you that deserves and accepts love. Failure makes you stronger and it makes you smarter. Really, the hardest part is just letting go, but once you do it’s truly the best feeling you could have. The selfish and terrible people you date before are just your stepping-stones, so get to steppin’!