You love them, you hate them, but most of all, you’re embarrassed to be related to them. Here are 11 realities of having a younger brother.
1. They have no table manners.
Plates become troughs for little brothers who treat fine dining like it’s the last round of the literal Hunger Games. If you have a brother, you’ve doubtlessly been forced to eat in the midst of an armpit being scratched, a nose being picked, or a display of half-chewed chow in an open—but full—mouth. And forget about footsies…little brothers wield unclipped toenails as weapons of mass destruction in below-the-table shin-kicking showdowns.
2. They blame you for anything and everything.
He ate all of the cookies your mom made for book club? Nope, you did. Siblings are the perfect victims for blame placing, and little brothers are the masters of this fraud. The worst part is: The more they practice, the better they are, and you might actually get yelled at for eating those cookies you can still smell on your brother’s breath.
3. They destroy your space.
Simply put, little brothers will destroy anything that is sacred. The hall closet? A hamper. The kitchen? A crime scene. Shared spaces are reduced to wartime trenches somewhere in between a brother’s entrance and departure.
4. They make noises you never wanted to hear.
Little brothers will produce noises from places you never knew existed, in pitches you didn’t know were accessible to the human ear. Purposeful burps, armpit farts, and deathly shrieks are all boyhood classics, but don’t worry, little brothers love to get creative.
5. They lock you out.
If you have somehow managed to go through life without your brother locking you out of your house, bathroom, or car, please contact me immediately to arrange for a life swap.
6. They practice poor hygiene.
All little brothers will practice poor hygiene at some (or all) points in their lives. They will replace showers with Axe and toothpaste with gum. Just be glad you’re their sibling, not their soul mate.
7. They eat whatever you wanted for yourself.
Oh, I’m sorry, did you come to the fridge looking for your leftovers? How about the last piece of your birthday cake? Yeah, that’s been gone for hours. Better luck next time.
8. They walk in on you.
One thing all parents fail to teach their sons is how to knock. A little brother will always walk in on you at the worst possible time. It could be when you’re getting really into singing that new One Direction song or when you’re getting cozy watching The Notebook with your significant other. That’s the thing about little brothers: You never know when they’ll strike. Or whether or not they’ll have a camera.
9. They get everything you do, but at a younger age.
They always say that imitation is the best form of flattery, but when your brother got a cell phone the same year that you did even though you were two years older…oh man, shizzit went down that Christmas.
10. They hack your technology.
A little brother has not lived up to his full potential if he has never texted your crush embarrassing messages from your phone or made a status update about poop on your Facebook.
11. They are surprisingly significant.
The craziest reality of having a little brother is that at some point you’ll actually learn you like him. He might have refused to hug you when you left for university, but you’ll miss him like crazy until you come home for the summer. But don’t fret; give it 72 hours and you’ll be ready to ditch him again.