Have you ever met someone who makes you think they need fixing? Well, I sure have. Apart from being quite sure that I need fixing myself, I love feeling like there’s something you can help someone achieve, or improve, or just start to attempt to fix. The problem with people like us is that we always want more. None of us are ever really fulfilled. Even if we’ve just helped someone reach a milestone, or even if we’ve reached one ourselves, we always want to feel needed and real.
That’s another part of the problem. The need to feel real. It’s almost like the reality of being able to feel like you aren’t whole, like there’s something missing and like there’s something which you haven’t yet found, heard or seen, keeps you feeling alive. The very constant and real pain we feel all the time helps us feel alive. That’s what scares me most, I don’t think I ever want to be fixed.
I’d rather feel broken and alive rather than happy and numb.
The Broken And The Hopeful.
I wasn’t always hopeful you see, I was the ever-pessimistic and negative girl anywhere I was. Until I met one of my best friends a couple of years ago that is. She is as opposite to myself as they come, specifically when it came to matters of hope. She taught me how to be hopeful and in all honesty, it stuck. Sometimes I’d rather not have been introduced to the concept but other times it treats me well. I’m sure all of us hope, we hope for things to happen, we hope for people to change, we hope for people to feel, we hope for out fears to go away.
We hope. At least most of us do. The ones of us that do however, have to face the constant reality of dealing with what we feel when our hopes are not met. When our reality is one again checked. Tying back in with the first category, for people like us, it better to feel a constant small dose of disappointment, rather that one big instance of pain.
I don’t believe that anyone is by sole definition anything, because we are the little things and the small fragments of concepts, feelings, experiences and mind sets, all assembled together to form the messed up people we are. However, I do believe that some of us are hopeful by nature, and these are the people who thrive off being this way. They seem to be happier and more easy-going than the rest of us. People who optimism comes easier to. People who seem to effortlessly think of something good, hope for it and make it happen. I do believe that such people, attract the better vibes of the universe. I can only wish to become more like those of you out there. To start accepting things as they are, hope
for the good things and move on when they don’t happen.
The Broken, The Hopeful, And The Damned.
In my opinion, the better majority of us are all of the above. We’ve all experienced things that have molded us to become the people that we are. We all make bad decisions more often than not. We all choose to go down the wrong path more than once. The moral of the story is, it’s okay to mess up, it’s okay to not feel whole, it’s more than okay to feel like you aren’t the person who you’ve been aiming to be. Truth is, we’re ALL in the same boat. We’re all just trying to make the best out of what we have. It’s useless feeling envy towards the people we believe to be the ones who have it better than us. We’re all just trying to make it by in the world we live in, the best way we know how. The thing is, what I wish I could do all the time, and what I wish I could remind everyone else to do, is to keep an open mind, in every possible way.
Remember that everyone is fighting a hard battle and everyone needs compassion. Remember that the things that count actually ARE the little things. Remember that if you’re not happy, you should change something. Make yourself happy, learn to love yourself, choose to be a better person everyday and let it be a conscious and continuous decision!
To all of you out there, who feel broken, thrive off of it. To all of you who hope and get let down, remember you can always get back up, and to all of you who feel you’re damned to live the same life you’ve been living, it’s up to you. It’s all up to you. The pen’s in your hand, plan your own ending.
PS: Helping yourself be better doesn’t mean you have to change yourself, being broken is okay, being that way is who we are. Helping ourselves feel better is okay too and feeling better doesn’t mean we don’t need anymore fixing. It’s also okay to think that being broken is what makes us, ‘us’. Do remember however that it’s also okay to feel less sad and feel that little bit better instead.