Today my thoughts have circled on Love, as usual (and yes, I am writing it with a capital “L”). Thoughts about Love have always been present in my mind. Obsessed or reaching quarter life crisis, I don’t know. The fact that almost all of my friends have their own special someone, are getting engaged, and getting married doesn’t help either. It reminds me too much of what I’m lacking. If I say that I don’t feel any jealousy towards what they have, then I would be lying. I am a woman. Turning 26. Of course I’m envious.
I want my own man. My own incredibly sweet and sappy love story. The kind that makes others sigh or gag depending on how much cheese they can contain.
When will I ever find the love of my life? I don’t know. No one knows.
But I sure wish I did.
I have always been that girl who had a boyfriend, even when no one else did. I had my first boyfriend when I was 16. My second when I was 20. My third when I was 23.
But now, now that it would actually matter if I was in a long term relationship, I have no one. No one to talk to every night. No one to greet good morning every day. No one to kiss. No one to exchange sweet text messages with. No one to flirt with on a daily basis. No one to take care of and no one who cares for me.
It’s so incredibly lonely and frustrating.
I wish I could share these thoughts with someone who would listen. But of course, if anyone asked, I’d say I was fine. That being single is enjoyable. Girl power and all that.
In today’s society where feminism runs rampant, wanting something as simple as Love, marriage, and family seems like such a provincial and stupid notion. They tell you that you should just think of your career. That there are other things to focus on such as family, friends, and hobbies. Oh! And traveling, of course! Wow. How original.
While I agree that these things are important, I can’t deny that the woman inside of me yearns to find a lifelong partner to build my world with. My soulmate, if Fate is kind.
But if I said I was looking for The One, I’d be branded as desperate and men would run. So I have to play it cool and casual and act as if I don’t give a flying F.
The thing is though, if I end up all alone, the same people that tell me to focus on other things will be the ones that will look down on me with pity.
What a lovely world we live in.