100% Of My Relationships Have Failed (And That’s Okay)

 Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

I’m in a relationship, but still single. No. I’m not in an open relationship, and I don’t have a boyfriend, significant other, or even a “thing”–though I’m currently working on it. I’m in an ongoing, life-long relationship with myself. So having spent 20 years with yours truly (basically forever single), it’s easy to wonder what the beginning of a never-ending would look like. Would I even know when I found a lasting love?

Now, I’m (clearly) not in a never-ending relationship (currently anyways). But I can imagine–using second-hand experiences from friends, family, and others–what it’s like when you find the person you’re supposed to be with.

From what I can gather, a healthy and lasting relationship starts when you find yourself wanting to share your little, seemingly insignificant moments with your partner. I personally love this part of a relationship: Where you see something funny and think to yourself, “Oh, ___ would love that! I wish he/she was here.” When you start to have more and more of those moments, I think you have the makings of what could be a great relationship.

You think about them when they’re not around. You go out of your way to share every part of your life with them, even the annoying crap your friends are tired of hearing about. I don’t want a relationship where I tiptoe around being myself. I want to be able to sing along to the radio without being judged on my pitchiness; I want someone who will make fun of me unreservedly; I want to be myself. I’m a flawed being; unless I’m dating Tom Hiddleston (but I guess he’s taken now), I’m going to assume whoever I’m dating is flawed, too.

We’re not supposed to be perfect. Because perfection isn’t real–it’s fantasy. (And we all know how I feel about fantasy versus reality.) And I think when you know you have a chance at making the relationship work is how you handle your first fight.

Can you argue and say things like, “You’re an idiot,” and still be there the next day? Because you know that you’d rather fight with that person than make love with anyone else. (Almost a direct quote from The Wedding Date. Almost.)

For me, an ideal component of my future never-ending relationship is that we won’t get bored with each other. I typically tire of guys after a few weeks of flirtation, whether it’s because I get bored or I nitpick is unclear (though both is a likely option). I think a never-ending relationship is coming home to a person who you can unload your day on, a person who will listen and not just nod along, a person whose most boring, mundane, day-to-day details aren’t so boring because you get the privilege of sharing their life.

And that’s a huge deal.

To commit your life to someone else is a huge deal. No one goes into a marriage thinking, well worst comes to worst, we get a divorce (at least I hope not). “Til death do us part” isn’t a vow to take lightly.

Can you ever really know when you’re in a never-ending relationship? I’m not sure. Life gets in the way of love; people convolute things and often good things come to an end. But the unknown shouldn’t be a reason for a lack of belief.

We can’t let fear of losing someone, or getting hurt, or being vulnerable stop us from trying to make love work.

I don’t think you know you’ve found the one…until you just know. That’s such a frustrating answer, isn’t it? That’s what everyone keeps telling me. It’s like they can’t put it into words; love has made them literally speechless. TC mark

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