1. Debate how long you can put off the showering/getting ready process before you really will be LATE late. Example: If you need to be at you bff’s apartment by 9:00pm for the pre bar rituals, your ass will still be glued to the couch at 8:30pm watching the same chick flick that’s on repeat on Oxygen this month. Then suddenly you realize how late you are and you scream through the getting ready process like your hair is on fire, ending up sweating even if it’s January.
2. Stand in front of the mirror playing with your hair debating whether or not you should wash it. “Can I get away with a little dry shampoo and some volumizing spray? I could probably just re-straighten it. Hmm, maybe not… that spot looks particularly oily”. Then when you don’t wash it you’ll inevitably spend more time messing around trying to make it work than you would have if you’d have just washed it. Sock bun? Mmhmm, easy only in theory.
3. Give in to the fact you do have to shower. Then spend too much time picking out an 8tracks playlist that accurately represents what mood you’re going for today. “Get Sexy”, “Good Morning, Beautiful”, “Coffee and cigarettes”, “Bad ass bitch”. So many options. Pick your poison.
4. Stand in the shower and get nothing done for a solid 3-5 minutes. Maybe it’s just standing in the water trying to wake up. Maybe you’re checking out your mani/pedi, or sucking your stomach in to see what that would look like. Perhaps it’s just splashing water about, or even checking out your boobs, etc. Whatever it is you’re just having some you time.
5. Assess whether the occasion calls for you to shave, and to what degree. Are you wearing shorts? Sleeveless? Chance you’ll get laid? Lather up, ladies.
6. Curse yourself when you get out of the shower and realize you should’ve taken care of the eye makeup monster before bed last night. Revel in the Taylor Momsen moment you’re having before using what feels like half the bottle of eye makeup remover to get back to your fresh faced self.
7. Comb your hair out and then wait as long as possible to blow dry it. Because the less time under that thing the better. Not for my hair, but my eardrums and overall body temp.
8. Decide what type of makeup you’re going with today. Natural look? Smoky eye? Red lips? The choices are endless.
9. Style your hair without over styling your hair. Easy on the hairspray, killer.
10. Stand in front of your closet, most likely in your undies, staring at the endless trove of clothes while exclaiming to yourself, “I have nothing to wear!” Wind up choosing something that you hope makes you look and feel skinny, cute, sexy, put together, and stylish. All at the same time.