Line to Get In
This is your entrance to the park and basically the coming attractions for what’s going to show up through those gates. You’ve got a couple of cute kids that can turn into melting popsicles in five minutes flat, some teens that are trying to have a little summer fling, and a mom that probably campaigned for recycling in her neighborhood by the looks of her glare. This is where you mentally sip the soda and take in all that’s to come.
Biggest area of people and it usually hits you first thing. Don’t get overwhelmed—just be a sponge. Sunglasses are critical for this initial phase. Do a sweeping look to take in who you want to keep tabs on throughout your stay. I usually pinpoint people who look sad the Confederates didn’t win the war, couples in fights, and chubby babies. You’ll be amazed how long this sport will keep you occupied.
This attraction usually is for families of seven who manipulate the line like it was a Costco run. They let people cut in and out so they can all race at the same time. If you are in the way of this intricate dance at any point, get out. You will lose the race no matter how many firm elbow jabs you attempt. If you are a family of seven, mazel. If not, step aside and accept defeat.
Any Slide Lines
You know what this is, those PDA people. Sit back and enjoy a full display of varying couples. You can almost tell how long people have been together. Better yet, try and match up tattoos and vaguely wonder if that’s all they have in common. Rove over to that couple with perfect bodies that seem to be content to simply stare in to each others blue eyes for a 45 minute wait. Who does that? Either way, bask in loneliness at this point, or put a tame arm around your significant other. No need to get frisky in line.
A key spot to watch people in. Nothing says natural beauty like when I walk up to the nachos shack in my bikini. I like to let people know that I support body confidence, because I sure didn’t finish Jillian’s Michael’s workout DVD. Let people know that you too can be watched, eat your nachos, and move along.
Like my dating strategies, this attraction is perfect because it’s hard for people to get away. Grab a float and watch everyone around you. Mentally catalog all the bathing suits you wish you owned, all the sunglasses that might suit your face, and all the boys you could see yourself with. If you’re feeling bold, hook your foot onto people’s floats so they know you’re there. They won’t notice. Either way, soak in the rays and appreciate all the multi-faceted people that water parks bring together.