VDay, yeah we get it. Couples being adorable and warming our hearts with their public/social media/private-but-we’re-right-here displays of affection. It’s kind of sweet but it’s kind of depressing. Instead of openly walking around on February 14th with bitterness on your brow and hungry eyes though, help everyone out and stay home with a playlist you’re ready to sob to.
1. Skinny Love by Birdy
Remember that one time you almost had a thing with that boy but it kind of pandered out? You’re sure it could’ve gone somewhere but you chose to put up your walls because you are a –fragile human– who has been hurt before. It’s fine. This song requires an oversized sweater, bony elbows, and maybe a hand-painted teacup to catch your tears in.
2. Someone Like You by Adele
Reminisce on the person you spent last Valentine’s Day with and how they showered you with love and affection. What even happened? Will you ever find someone great again? Put these questions at the forefront of your mind as you belt out a difficult bridge that you’ve actually mastered because you’ve sung this song so much already. Turn half the lights out and wear cat-eye eyeliner that will run dramatically down your face as the song progresses.
3. Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
At some point in your life there was an exotic enigma that enjoyed Spanish poetry and probably how your hair looked in the mornings, but it just didn’t work out. Don’t dwell on that part now, just let the emotion wash over you like the tidal wave he probably could have expertly surfed. Curl your hair for no one while listening to this song and buy a goldfish so your tears add to pH levels in the tank.
4. Stay by Rihanna and Mikky Ekko
Position yourself by the window for this one and watch all the people come and go. Sing at them to stay, your fellow lonely-hearts club members pounding the pavement. Put on a really moody t-shirt with some word like “rebel” or “flawless” on it and sit in the shadows. Cry a little but angrily wipe the tears away.
5. Lies by Marina and the Diamonds
Think long and hard about why you are actually single on Valentine’s Day. If you really want to torture yourself, make a long list of attributes you could maybe improve on. Then toss the list and give way to four minutes of really cathartic pathos. Paint a heart of your cheek and vow to travel the world and start giving back to the community.
After your Gilmore-allotted wallowing period you should be feeling much better about life on Valentine’s Day. Sure, it can get a little sappy but it’s a pretty cute holiday even if you’re not an active participant. Smile at everyone you pass by and think of the very high probability that you won’t have to pull out this playlist next year.