Nothing feels worse than losing power over your own life. You can spend as much time as you want creating a perfect image for what you want your life to look like, but when it comes down to it, it can all change in seconds.
Without making myself look like a total train wreck, I’ll give you a very brief overview of what my life looked like the last nine years. I lost two very important people to me when I was 16. This caused me to totally neglect myself and focus on helping other people. That doesn’t sound terrible, right? Until it landed me into an emotionally abusive relationship because I believed my magic touch could save him. As you probably guessed, it didn’t.
Fast forward a year and I was convinced I found myself. My black heart was cured and I could finally be who I set out to be. When hopping back into the dating field, I figured out many things, one of the most important ones being that we are so obsessed with comparing our traumas with people. What makes our past worse than others? We mask our current behaviors with our past traumas by saying things like, “I act this way because this person did this to me.” Okay. Fair? Sure. What’s not fair is allowing yourself to make every part of your life this trauma.
All the noise in your head that makes it okay to let people suffer with you becomes the voice you project with every person you encounter. It’s funny, I would say these things over and over and continue to use these excuses. Why? Because I was the only one in the world hurting. Duh. I was the only one that faced hardship. I was the only one that lost someone. I was the ONLY one that was allowed to put these feelings on other people. That is, until I woke up and realized that I am not special.
The world does not stop while I cry about every bad thing that has happened to me. What the world does do is open up a bright life for you when you accept it and take responsibility for your part. No, I have no responsibility for the pain and the hurt, but what I do have is the responsibility to take the victim label off of my life. I do have control of allowing others to feel and hurt without judgement because everyone is up against things that make them feel like they are never going to live a day without crying again.
It’s time to wake up and remember a couple things. First, your sole purpose in this life wasn’t to carry your traumas around in your purse and whip them out whenever you feel like it. Your past makes you strong and powerful—it does not define you and most certainly does not control you. No amount of loved ones who tell you it’ll be okay will ever make it okay. Appreciate it and love them for it, but dig so deep inside of yourself to find your purpose, because it is not to be the person your trauma wants you to be. It’s in there—I believe in you.