Many selfish people have had the pleasure of plaguing our lives and causing us to question our own existences. Most of them are very easy to identify and figure out, yet most of us are drawn in all the same; there is an element of uncertainty. They’re like a wild card or a Quentin Tarantino film, and they have us all pondering: when is this going to turn sour and kick into overdrive? For some reason half the thrill of being hurt is knowing that you are eventually going to take the plunge.
1. The Shotgun
The “shotgun” is basically the type of person who always needs the best out of everything. This name is based on the act of calling shotgun, or calling dibs on the front passenger seat of a car. This person will go out of their way to beat you out of that spot. Watch out, they are a force to be reckoned with.
2. The Hoarder
This is probably the most harmless type of the six. The hoarder will always take the last piece of pizza regardless of their hunger level. This person needs to acquire things—not out of need—but out of personal satisfaction. They’ll probably only eat half of that slice, anyway.
3. The S/He-Devil
This type of selfishness is dangerous. The s/he-devil is the friend that will not hesitate to steal your current love interest. I use the word “steal” loosely. Whether this person needs to satisfy some sort of arrogant desire or simply wants to acquire another lover, the s/he-devil will stop at nothing to take what is yours.
4. The Inconsiderate
The inconsiderate is the mother of selfishness. This person will take any situation and make it about them. During your times of ill-fortune, this person will leave you to wither beneath the burdens of your problems. “Oh, you just got fired from your job and your dog died? Well, I noticed that you ignored my text yesterday. Did you stop to consider how I felt about that?” The Inconsiderate is a delirium of guilt and narcissism.
5. The Self-Loathing
This is a tricky type. It does not matter that they are giving themselves negative attention because they are enthralled with the existence of themselves. They obsess over all of their flaws and inconceivable faults without a thought about another human being. You will find this person partnering up traits with The Inconsiderate, their problems endlessly overshadowing yours.
6. The Self-Obsessed
This person is bored to death by any conversation that doesn’t revolve around them. As long as people are intrigued by them, they think that there is no such thing as bad publicity. They could talk about themselves all day; you could go get a cup of coffee, come back, and it is doubtful they would even notice that you left in the first place.