So you’ve picked up the girl. Awesome. You wanna keep her, right? Well, the relationship game is a little different than the pickup game. They both take confidence, communication, patience, and intimacy—but instead of 45 seconds in the microwave, you’re gonna set the oven to 350°. Here’s a quick recipe for a lasting, healthy relationship.*
*Just as each kitchen is different, so is every relationship. Use ingredients as needed.
Be genuine. Trying to cover up who you really are just messes with the whole flavor profile. Don’t spend your time trying to be the man you think she wants, because you already are. If she’s the girl for you, she won’t expect, ask, or demand you to change—instead she’s gonna bring out the best parts of who you were before you met her. This doesn’t mean that you won’t change a little bit. But don’t abandon your Star Wars Miniature collection, your drive to start your own company, or your love of meeting new people. Don’t water yourself down.
When you don’t act like yourself it sucks for everyone involved because it prevents genuine intimacy. Keeping up pretenses closes you both off from getting to know each other and leaves you as fuck buddies at best. You gotta really get to know her.
I can hear you asking, “But how?” Well, ya dingus, you’re gonna have to ask her some questions. Real questions. Not openers or small talk. Ask her about things she loves. Have you ever noticed that when people talk about things they love, their eyes glaze over a bit and they go to their happy place? You want to be in that happy place with her. Let her take you there.
If you don’t care about her answers or just plain don’t have any questions, move on, dude. If you don’t care now, you won’t care later.
Your relationship is the main course but not the whole meal.
At first it can be easy to do everything together—too easy. This might feel nice at first, but after a while it gets kinda old. No one person can be your everything. Think about the people in your life right now: the funny one, the motivator, the listener, the booty call, etc. While you’re probably getting more than one thing from each person, you’re still not getting everything from one of them. In this way, girlfriends are no different than friends. They might be the one who sucks your dick and makes you feel important, but that doesn’t mean they can do it all. What if she expected that from you? Exhausting, right?
Like Jim Rohn says, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So keeping your own space and friends will prevent your best aspects from getting lost in the relationship.
Whipped. Cream. Everywhere.
Maybe it won’t include whipped cream (maybe it will), but you gotta have exciting sex. This can mean a million different things for every relationship. But the one thing that it does mean for every relationship is having great communication skills and real intimacy. As much as the term “making love” makes me gag harder than a nine-inch cock, it has some valuable insight when compared to fucking. You know when you’re walking next to one of your dude friends and your hands accidentally touch? Now compare that to holding your girlfriend’s hand for the first time. That’s the difference between fucking and making love. That’s intimacy—and it will deepen the connection between you and make her more invested in you.
To build that intimacy, you’re going to have to talk. A lot. About stuff that might make you uncomfortable. Be vulnerable with her. If you feel like the moment is right, tell her your nastiest fantasy. Even if it’s not her jam, you just gave her an opportunity to trust you with her diddle diary. How fucking awesome is that? More than anything, y’all just need to talk it out—what she likes, what you like, whatcha both like—then try it. Boom. Or bang.
Season to taste.
Each relationship is gonna be a little different. Some might need more of one thing and less of another. Experiment. If something isn’t working, mix things up a bit. More than anything, be honest—with her and with yourself.
You can follow these suggestions to a “T” and still not have a great relationship. It means that you two aren’t right for each other—and that’s OK. Start over. Try a different recipe and learn from your mistakes.