10 Suggestions On What Not To Do For Modern Daters

1. Money.

Real talk. Dating conventions need to change. When men demand to pay on first dates, women suffer from having obligatory feelings of reciprocating intimate favors (whether that is kissing or sex) because… money is power. Let’s face it, at some point in a woman’s life she will go on a date and think, “Wow, he spent a lot of money on me, my date will be awfully disappointed if I don’t at least invite him inside.” Women have to get out of this mindset. It’s a cultural practice, but the great thing about cultural practices is that they can change.

Don’t be afraid to bend gender roles. More than likely your date will respect you if you offer to pay for your own meal, thus erasing his “duty” to pay for you and your guilt for accepting payment (to each their own though). I’m not saying all women are baby prostitutes, but hey, this is actually where we get this practice from. Check out Elizabeth Clement’s Love for Sale if you don’t believe me. Isn’t dating supposed to be about getting to know someone any way? Maybe I’m wrong. Send Westboro Church after me and call me a screaming liberal. I’m from the South, where most men strongly abide to these principles and this convention isn’t even questioned. Sure it is nice to have a man take you out to dinner and make you feel special, but it isn’t his duty to take care of you (ESPECIALLY WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOU). Let there be a choice. Let’s tone the pressure on both sexes down and enjoy the evening.

2. Texting.

Don’t text on a date. Just don’t. It is rude, annoying, and disruptive. This is just a blatant way of revealing, “Hey, I’m not interested in what you have to say.” Conversation is key in dating and honestly if someone has their phone out the whole time, they doesn’t care what the other person is talking about. Just the truth. Sorry.

3. Instagram-ing Your Food.

Seriously, are you trying to show me how lame you are? Okay, maybe I’m being a little critical, but if someone can’t keep their phone off the table for an hour, I’m worried for you and your cell phone addiction. We can find you help somewhere.

4. TALKING ABOUT AN EX.

This is the number one red flag that women pick up on during a date. I make it a serious point to keep my ex off the table. A. Because he is crazy. B. Because I don’t want to startle you so bad you won’t be able to function for days. C. It’s an indicator that your past relationship isn’t 100 percent over and who wants to feel used? If you can’t keep your ex’s name out of your mouth for a nice dinner with another man, you have no right going in the first place. Guys are guilty of this too. The worst sentence that can come out of a man’s mouth is “Yeah, my ex used to do…” Want to throw me into a full-blown rage? I dare you to say it during a date. The ex conversation should not be a factor when getting to know someone. That relationship isn’t your business.

5. Bragging.

This is not something I have time for. Modesty is an extremely attractive quality. I once went to dinner with a guy who bragged the entire time. Me, being a sarcastic asshole, undermined him for the majority of the date. Is your penis that small? Do you need to talk about it? There’s probably a support group for that. Those were some legitimate questions that popped into my mind as he talked extensively about how much money he made, what kind of car he drove, the places he liked to vacation, his life of luxury, his conquests, gag, gag, gag.

6. Bad jokes/No sense of humor.

Humor is everything. Your jokes have to be on point. If you don’t think quick, can’t be witty, have trouble being weird/hilarious, then you are setting yourself up for one awkward hell of a time. Having fun is a key component of a successful date. If your sense of humor is in competition with the jokes printed on Laffy Taffys, we can’t date. Some women don’t find this quality important, but I love to laugh and I love to make other people laugh. Although, if I’m not laughing, my resting bitch face will probably scare you away, so there’s that.

7. Being a misogynist.

This is a great way to get your eyes pepper-sprayed out by me. I’m already hyper-sensitive to anything that involves gender, so I dare you to make that “Women belong in the kitchen” joke. I don’t slap either. I punch.

8. Being a racist.

Do I actually need to explain this one?

9. Being vulgar.

Just don’t. It’s not funny. I had a professor in college once that used the “F” word in every other sentence she spoke and it literally made everyone in the class cringe. Cussing is fine, but honestly if your vocabulary solely consists of four letter words, take that back to the pirate ship you came from. Language can be beautiful and there is nothing sexier than a man engaging you in a conversation that involves some type of capability to speak intellectually. Also, politeness will go a long way. I have way too many examples of this, so I’m just going to stick with – don’t do it.

10. Dressing like crap/smelling like crap.

The final pet peeve. If I have to try to look presentable, so do you. Having no style can be fixed, but just not caring is another thing. Make an effort at least. If you look homeless and you come to pick me up, I’m going back into my house and locking the door. At least try to attempt the homeless-chic look. I’m sorry. If I have to spend an hour trying to look this good, (Pretty does hurt, Beyonce) PLEASE put on a decent outfit. That’s it. That is literally all you have to do. Guys have it so easy. Oh, and wear cologne and do I even have to say it – DEORDORANT! I’ve actually had the deodorant thing happen. For the love of God and all things holy, please don’t smell like a teenage locker room. That’s always a plus. Manly musk is no one’s favorite smell… well, maybe some people with weird fetishes.