Yes, I am a gay homosexual. I thoroughly enjoy dude-on-dude action. I’d probably like gal-on-gal action, but I’ve never actually seen a vagina IRL. I’ve avoided all aspects of the vag for so long, that I just recently learned women don’t pee through that little man in the boat situation hanging downstairs — clearly I was asleep during middle school anatomy.
I never had to come out because, fortunately, my family was always very accepting. So much so that my mother would say, “When you kids grow up and have kids… or adopt.” For this, I am grateful.
It’s also probably why I don’t get this obsession with pressuring people to “come out.” Yes, I do think it’s better to be out. It’s great to tell a group of my straight friends at a party, “You know what would make this party better? Diversity!” But like, who am I or anyone else to tell someone else, “You need to be out. Trust me, it gets better”?
You know what? It’s OK to do whatever the fuck you want to do if you’re not hurting anybody else. This is hard to believe with article after article after article — and this WikiHow, because 2014 — explaining why you need to come out NOW! There’s even this one that basically ridicules you for choosing not to come out (cute gay brethren, cute).
Where’s the article about it being OK if you’re not ready to come out? I guess this is it.
Here’s a few reasons why it’s OK for you to stay in the closet.
1. You’re afraid.
Yeah, fear is real, yo. You might not have the best living situation, or work situation, or maybe you live in a country that you could get killed for being gay (like here and here and here). Frankly, if you’re in that sitch, ain’t nothing better gonna come from coming out except a lot of heartache. Just plot your strategy out and in the meantime, look at a lot of porn (a.k.a., find ways to feel pride in who you are in your own safe way).
2. You’re married.
OK, so you let it go too far. That sucks, but it happens. Yep, you’re definitely going to hurt your partner no matter what you do. But maybe telling them you’re gay isn’t the best way of getting out of the marriage? Maybe that would just hurt them more, at least at the outset of the breakup? First things first, get out of the marriage, because that’s way more important than you marching in the Pride parade.
3. Your religion is stronger than your sexuality.
So you’re gay and super faithful to a religion that prohibits it? That’s a pickle. Not everyone has to decide between their sexuality and their faith, but maybe your faith is more important than your sexuality? Nobody should shame or judge you for that (but they should totally judge you for being a hypocrite if you’re hating on us out gays while trying to play tickle tickle with our pickles). You can’t have it all, no matter what Oprah says, so if you’re in this boat, ya gotta choose. What you choose only you can decide.
4. You don’t know you’re gay.
Personally I don’t know how this is possible, because the moment I saw this Vanity Fair cover of Brad Pitt, I just knew. But I’m not here to judge. Maybe you’ve actually been able to go through life not recognizing those same-sex attractions as a sign? Eventually you’ll probably get that “ah ha” moment (2nd Oprah reference, thank you), but until then, live your life.
This is all really just an exaggerated way of saying that it’s your life, and you can live it anyway you want. Even “It Gets Better” applies here, because it will always get better if you just trust and love yourself. I love being out, maybe you will too, if not, that’s cool, we’ll still be here.