7 Reasons Why Jeremy Meeks Is The Hottest Felon Ever

Last week, a simple mugshot posted on the Stockton Police Facebook page ignited a virtual libido explosion over Jeremy Meeks, arrested on gang-related charges, bail set at $1 million. Memes to leaked nude pics of Meeks surfaced all over the internet, with people going gaga for this sexy piece of criminal milk chocolate. As the following list shows, there are a few simple explanations for why people just can’t get enough of America’s Next Top Felon.

Stockton Police Department/Facebook
Stockton Police Department/Facebook

1. He’s black.

Those dark features, that hair, I can’t! People of color, like Meeks, make up 30 percent of the U.S. population, yet they comprise 60 percent of the prison population. 1 out of every 15 African Americans are incarcerated, 1 out of every 106 white men are. 1 in 3 black men can expect to go to prison in their lifetime. But black don’t crack, right?!?!?

2. He’s a former gang member.

Meeks was arrested for “street terrorism” based on gang activity, his mother contests this allegation. If tested while in prison, it might show that Meeks has some sort of learning impairment, which is one of the contributing factors for gang membership. 60 to 78 percent of incarcerated gang members have some sort of emotional or learning disability. Whatever, have you seen those sexy tattoos? Swoon!!

3. He carries concealed weapons.

A gun was found in the trunk of Meeks’ car at the time of his arrest. His mother claims it was to protect himself from his former gang members. Regardless, he’s a sexy, dangerous criminal with a big, thick gun! Even though there were 1,824 gang-related deaths in 2011, the total included death by means other than a gun. But who cares, it’s a sexy gun!

4. He’s poor.

Meeks allegedly left his life of crime, found God, got married, had a child and got a decent job. Domesticity isn’t as sexy as being poor though. If he’s anything like the rest of the prison population, 70 percent of state inmates make far less than $2,000 a month before entering prison. God I hope he’s poor, being poor is totes a loins igniter!

5. He’s a father.

There’s something super hot about a man that loves his kid. If convicted and sent to prison (again), he’ll join the 52 percent of other fathers in state prisons.

6. He’s a felon.

There’s nothing sexier than going back to prison. A study in 2005 found that 56.7 percent of inmates were rearrested within a year of their release; 68.7 percent within three years; and 76.6 within five years. Because America’s rehabilitation is super great. Oh GOD, is anyone else turned on right now?!

7. He gets news coverage from legitimate national outlets.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsaAzm3o-J4&w=784&h=524%5D

From one white anchor speaking to another white anchor, to casual jokes about his looks and the “ladies” swooning for him (because only ladies swoon for sexy men), and a white lady saying he looks like a “thug,” clearly this is a hard hitting piece that really explores the most important issue here: those eyes.

So yeah, the Internet is having a great conversation about America’s prison problem, which is the largest in the world. By talking about Meeks’ sexiness and making blasé jokes about the loins of only women swooning for him, we are clearly putting a spotlight on the issue.

But man, I wouldn’t mind playing captive to his captor, am I right (ladies, only ladies)?!?! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

H. Alan Scott is a writer and comedian based in New York City and Los Angeles. His work has been featured on the Huffington Post, xoJane, WitStream, Sirius XM Radio, here! TV, Chicago Tribune, Towleroad, and Time Out New York’s “Joke of the Week.” Scott has performed at the Hollywood Improv, the Laugh Factory, Carolines on Broadway, and Chicago’s Lakeshore Theater. Scott is the co-creator and host of SRSLY LOL, an alternative variety show in New York City and Los Angeles. Most recently he created #Chemocation, an online chronicle of his cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Oprah said his name. Pic by Mindy Tucker.

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