I, handsome movie actor and Thought Catalog commenter Ryan Gosling, have written my first Thought Catalog article, which you are reading right now.
This is probably because you are a “20-something” in “college” who is currently “procrastinating.” Also, perhaps, because you are a “vegetarian” who wants to do something like “fall in love” or “have casual sex” with Benedict Cumberbatch, or whatever. Whomever you are, congratulations on making it this far, and, I guess, thanks for reading Thought Catalog instead of Buzzfeed.
Before we go any further, I think that it is prudent for me to clarify that I am not the actual real life handsome movie actor Ryan Gosling. I know that this will be a great surprise to most of you. In an attempt to regain your (rightly shattered) trust, I am going to level with you. The truth is, I am actually a handsome 20-something in college who is currently procrastinating. Aren’t you relieved? That’s, like, so relatable, right? I even consume “pizza” and “alcohol” sometimes and have previously been a “virgin,” as I believe the colloquialism goes. I am really so exciting, because I am, essentially, you.
My assumption is that if Nicole Mullen’s tripe can be published here, the editors certainly have no reason to turn me down. But in order to be published, I must make a genuine statement of some kind, I guess. Perhaps not. Maybe this would be published whether I rambled on endlessly or not, but we’ll never know, because I actually have an actual something exciting to say.
Stop it, seriously. There are no defining factors for “men,” and there are no defining factors for “women.” Not even anatomically. Not all men have penises or can grow beards or chest hair. Not all women have vaginas or breasts or shave their legs. It follows that if gender can be so varied even on the most basic physical level, it is impossible to make realistic gendered statements about anything else. So cut it out, assholes.
Gendered statements are issued unthinkingly on a constant basis. One of my professors (remember, I’m in college – wow, college!) recently said, “I am a man, therefore I am lazy.” No, dude. You’re lazy because you’re lazy, not because you’re a man. There are women who are lazy. There are men and women who aren’t lazy. Laziness is not tied to gender. Nor, really, is any other factor, which brings us to a recent obnoxious Thought Catalog article entitled “Skill vs. Serendipity: Why Men Are Studs And Women Are Sluts.” Raul Felix’s embarrassing and socially biased attempts to genderize sexual currency are ridiculous. His “arguments” about the methods of seduction employed by “women” are as moving as his cringe-inducing man-tears. You really shouldn’t even read that article. It’s awful.
At the end of the day, 20-something college procrastinator, you don’t have to be Raul Felix.
Stop genderizing. Be aware of your words and don’t make gendered statements unless you do it to be hilarious and ironic in an Internet comment section, like me, handsome movie actor Ryan Gosling (but actually handsome 20-something college procrastinator who is not the real life Ryan Gosling) who has also now ended this article with an atrocious run-on sentence because I am hilarious and a celebrity and the greatest Thought Catalog contributor of all time.
Thanks for reading. I’ll be back.