When I was 17, I got into my first relationship. He was my first kiss, first everything. He was my first love. I saw all of my best friends go through relationships, and completely freak out over every little detail, which repelled their boyfriends. So, I was the cool girlfriend. I didn’t mind that he talked to girls, texted girls, hung out with girls. I never once even questioned who he was texting aside from me, even if it was someone I knew he had previously had a thing for. I let him have his freedom, I never got mad when he took a long time to text back.
How did this result? Once my gut started to tell me something was wrong, I smothered that instinct. I told myself I was paranoid. He told me I was paranoid, when I eventually conveyed my feelings to him. He told me he loved me, he would never do anything to hurt me, and he wanted to be with me. Then we went to college. One week into school, he deleted our facebook relationship status. I asked if he was breaking up with me over Facebook. He told me I was overreacting, and he hadn’t even realized it was gone.
A week later, I notice a picture of him casually lounging on a girl’s lap, like he used to do with some of my best friends because they were also his. I asked him about her, and he told me that I had no reason to be jealous, that she was just a friend. They worked together for a music event, and he was just being social. I still felt uneasy, but I didn’t want to upset him or myself over nothing. I wanted to seem cool, even though every alarm in my body was going off. I loved him, I should trust him. I never realized that trusting him included him leaving no room for doubt. He was leaving a cookie crumb trail of doubt.
There are many more things that happened, but I won’t get into those. Instead, I’ll tell you how this ended. It ended with an Instagram post revealing him and this girl as a couple. They had been dating for a month, while he had been stringing me along, with long phone conversations. I even visited him on campus one day, but he said we couldn’t go to his dorm because his twin brother was using it. We couldn’t go into the buildings because he didn’t have a guest pass. I didn’t want to argue, since I hadn’t seen him in over a month. He went on to deny to her that I was ever there. There was nothing I could do to convince this other girl of our relationship, despite the fact that I had paperwork that placed me at his school on that date. Why? Because she’s a cool girlfriend, and she wants to trust him.
So, ladies, being the “cool” girlfriend isn’t cool. Of course, don’t demand phone passwords and account information right off the bat, but you need to recognize the difference between being laid-back, and actively denying your rights as his significant other. If your gut tells you something is wrong, don’t stop digging. If they appreciate you and care about you, they will go through the efforts of clearing their name. If they don’t, they were never worth it. Don’t be the “cool girlfriend.” Be the girlfriend who has control over her own relationship, her own decisions, and trusts her gut. I made this mistake and I have learned my lesson.
Please do not do what I have done. Protect yourself.