1. You will be nervous.
2. At least one groomsman will be late.
3. …and it will be the guy who’s always late to everything.
4. Your bride will be beautiful, and will take your breath away.
5. Your new in-laws and your parents will get along. Truces automatically happen at weddings. (The reception could be a different story.)
6. Your groomsmen will do great.
7. You will drink at the reception. You’ll need to calm your nerves.
8. Shit…you might drink at the wedding.
9. The scariest thing about your wedding will be reciting your vows.
10. You have three choices when saying your vows: 1. Recite them calmly. 2. Stammer while reciting them. 3. Vomit. Choose wisely.
11. You and your wife will get gifts and money. That shit will be dope.
12. You may hate The Electric Slide. The Cupid Shuffle may make you wretch. You have to have them on your playlist. There may be a riot if you don’t.
13. Someone’s older aunt will attempt to dance like a stripper to Back That Azz Up. Just drink it away.
14. It is your bride’s day. Over and out. Your job? Be her hype man. (“Yo…this is the bride, motherfuckas!!!”)
15. No matter what, Ginuwine’s Pony has to be in your DJ’s playlist. Just…trust me on this.
16. They are an extension of your bride, so you have to let the bridesmaids get loose on the dance floor. Even if they take it back to their junior year in college and outrage your grandmother, let them twerk away.
17. …and your googly eyed uncle can’t join them.
18. Dance with your mom, high five your Dad, and kiss your sister/brother. This is a milestone moment for all of you.
19. Take an insane amount of pictures. You’ll want to save the memories of this day.
20. Look at your bride. Choke up. Wipe your tears of joy. Smile. You just married the love of your life.
21. You’re now someone’s husband. Drink to that.