1. We’ll stay in touch
I’ll add you on LinkedIn and endorse you for a skill or two but other than that you won’t hear from me until you see me out again in a month or so which is when I’ll promise you we’ll stay in touch.
I’m genuinely happy to see you!
I’m fucking ADAMANT about pushing the boundaries of my BAC tonight.
I wrote a cryptic Facebook status about you and don’t know how to approach the situation in reality so I’m using this increasingly archaic social greeting.
5. I’m LIVING
I’m aware of the fact that I’m a breathing, functioning, and cognizant entity but don’t care to look like it after the event photographer takes a decent photo of me LET’S RAGE.
6. I’m living for your look!
I’m a breathing, functioning, and cognizant entity whose sensory functions seem to heighten by virtue of your wardrobe choice this evening.
7. She has arrived, boop!
8. (A text received on the same day of each week) Hey, what’re you doing tonight?
Come to my EVENT! There will be MUSIC! And GUESTS! BOOZE! W I N G E D E Y E L I N E R
9. I’m an up-and-coming alt model.
Terry Richardson reblogged my selfie on Tumblr once.
10. Are you going to an after hours party?
I am curious about the general trajectory of your night. Are you planning to engage in a modest amount of debauchery and POSSIBLY turn down for some things? OR do you plan to go to this questionable venue, make terrible decisions, and end up sitting on your landlord’s face?
11. Can I charge my phone behind the bar?
Can I charge my phone behind the bar?