Please come to work early so I can drop my kids off on my way to Starbucks. Please feed them breakfast while they’re there. Make sure it’s healthier than what I offer at home. Also, teach them math & science since we rarely practice those in our house, but, also teach the moral and religious beliefs that they see me not follow. I want you to reward their successes and recognize each child’s abilities, but make sure they all feel like winners and that no one feels left out. Be on the watch for bullies or trouble makers. Don’t let anyone mistreat anyone else since I don’t have time to find out if my child is the “different” one.
Make sure to recognize each student’s individual talents & skills. Tell me what those skills are during our 10 minute conferences each semester. Love and cherish my children as if they were your own. I’m busy working 50 hour weeks trying to pay for all of our belongings and don’t have the kind of spare time that you do. Also, learn to shoot a gun and bring it to school in order to protect my children. They are my life and I wouldn’t want them to be harmed on your watch. Ensure every child that leaves your classroom is safe, smart, well adjusted, and free of social problems or concerns.
I have difficulty parenting my two kids, but you got a degree in this, so you must be able to handle all 38 students with absolute ease. When you’re done with this list, let me know. I have more ideas on how you can raise my children for me.