Dear Sad Girls On The Internet: None Of Your Exes Miss You, Please Just Move On With Your Lives

Veronika Balasyuk
Veronika Balasyuk

Hello there sad female internet writer.

I see you’ve recently been dumped. How unfortunate for you.

I’ve been dumped too. It’s the fucking worst. It crushes your ego and puts a damper on your day-to-day routine. I sympathize with your pain. I really do.

But for the love of God, please stop enabling each other with your endless stream of “One Day He’s Going To Realize How Much He Misses You” posts.

You are not proving anything to your ex. All you are doing is embarrassing yourself.

I’m going to give you the harsh truth that you refuse to give yourself, or each other: Your ex doesn’t miss you. He’s never going to miss you. He’s not following your blog, or your Instagram, or your twitter. He’s not clicking through your latest thinkpiece at 2am thinking, ‘Holy shit, I did let a good one get away!’

He is not agonizing over whether he made the right choice. He is not beating himself up for not treating you better. He doesn’t think of you as the girl-who-loved-too-powerfully-and-that-scared-him.

He is not thinking of you at all.

And I know that’s difficult to hear. I’m genuinely sure you’re worth missing. You’re probably a great person who will make some other hopeless romantic very happy one day.

But people generally dump people for one incredibly uncomplicated reason: They just don’t want to be with them anymore.

And that, dear Sad Girl, is almost definitely why your ex broke up with you.

Not because he couldn’t handle your emotional intensity. Not because he was scared of taking a chance on something real. Not because you met at the wrong time or under the wrong circumstances, or because his heart was too closed off to let you in.

He broke up with you because he thought ‘Meh, this isn’t really working for me,’ and that’s probably still what he thinks.

He probably looks back on your relationship and feels a bit bad about breaking up with you, but mostly just relieved about being on his own again.

He’s not agonizing over whether or not he made the right choice. He’s just moving on.

He’s going out to bars and meeting other girls. He’s hanging with his bros and enjoying the extra free time. He’s staying up until 3am watching stupid Netflix movies and eating chips. He’s not pining after you. He’s not torn to pieces thinking about how he let such a good girl get away.

And he’s never going to be.

Maybe six months from now he’s going to see your vacation pictures and think you look hot and feel a momentary twinge of regret. But then he’ll think back to whatever reason made him break up with you in the first place and go ‘LOL nope’ and continue living his life.

He’s not going to miss your tragically beautiful depth. He’s not going to realize you were the one that got away. He’s not going to spiral into a self-loathing cycle of crying while stalking your tumblr.

If he wanted to be with you, he still would be.

So please, do yourselves a favor and stop trying to make your ex miss you.

Stop orienting all of your actions towards how you want him to perceive you. Stop writing defiant ‘One day you’ll realize that you let the best girl in the world get away‘ pieces, in the hopes that he’ll see them and realize his mistake.

He’s not reading them.

He’s not pining after you.

He’s not torturing himself over leaving you.

So please, stop torturing yourself.

Stop telling yourself he’s coming back. Stop projecting your regret onto him. Stop telling each other that he’s one day going to realize his mistake.

Leaving you wasn’t a mistake for him – it was deliberate.

So instead of deluding yourself into believing that he’s filled with regret, maybe try taking a page out of his book and actually moving on with your own life.

You might even find someone who sees your worth the way your ex never did — and never will. TC mark

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